7/8/10

and he wakes up and makes coffee and comes down to the bunker and out to the house by the garden where everybody is at.

hey, they say.

hey, he says.

so, nancy says, you're probably still waking up yet.

yup, he says.

so, steve says, what problems of the world are we going to attempt to solve today?

i didn't know we were solving any, he says.

we're not, steve says.

right, he says.

we're just talking about it all, steve says. like that does any good.

it's what everyone else does, he says.

and everybody has their own solution, adam says.

mostly by having someone taken out and shot, he says.

they'll have their chance, steve says.

yeah, he says. and we'll see then how that all works out.

and he goes up for more coffee.

i don't want to have anyone taken out and shot, carla says.

you'd include everyone into your paradise? steve says.

not those who don't want to be part of it, carla says.

there's probably someone who would like to have you taken out and shot, he says.

i'm sure there are, carla says. some people think i'm a freak.

so, he says, how do you protect yourself from them?

with love, carla says.

that's a bit naive, steve says.

what would you have me do, carla says, arm myself with guns?

it might not be a bad idea, steve says.

then i'm no better than they are, carla says.

but you'd still be alive, steve says.

alive in what kind of world? carla says.

a world of armed enclaves, steve says.

i don't believe in that, carla says.

well, steve says, i hope your dreams come true.

i think they will, carla says. love will win in the end.

not if you're dead, steve says.

love will find its way to someone else, carla says, and they will carry it on.

but love is always balanced with hate, he says. the two can only exist with the other as is true with any dualities.

that may be so, carla says, but i will always be on the side of love. let the others hate all they want to.

and they will, steve says.

but i thought we were talking about evolution, carla says. love is a more highly evolved state than hate.

but an ape is an ape is an ape, steve says.

i suppose, carla says. but you aren't going to change my mind.

you're doomed then, steve says.

maybe, carla says. we'll see what happens. you may be surprised.

i would be, steve says.

none of us are going to survive, he says. we're all as good as extinct.

that's a happy thought, nancy says.

i'm just being realistic, he says.

you wouldn't know realistic if it bit you, nancy says.

pain is always an indication of reality, he says. perhaps the only indication. pain is reality's claim to fame.

it's what keeps us in the world, adam says.

it's what the mystics say we must learn to ignore, frank says, in order to free ourselves.

free ourselves for what? steve says.

nirvana, frank says.

and what is that exactly? steve says.

i don't know, frank says, but i suppose it's a state of perpetual bliss.

how boring, steve says.

you would rather be in the world? frank says.

yeah, steve says. at least there's something happening here.

but so much of it is so much pain and suffering, carla says.

let it be what it needs to be, steve says.

it will always be that as long as we are under the spell of the knowledge of good and evil, he says.

right, steve says, it's all in our heads.

that's why we have the garden, carla says.

we should have stayed in the trees, frank says. there's been nothing but trouble ever since.

happy little monkeys, he says, oblivious to their fate.

yeah, adam says, what good has all our consciousness been?

yeah, frank says, we do nothing but worry about shit.

we are confused by our desires and fears, he says.

i'm not, jane says. i just want to fuck.

yes, steve says, to be young.

i'll still wanna fuck on my death bed, jane says.

i'm sure you will, he says.

so, nancy says, where we at now?

just babbling in babylon, he says.

that seems to be it, nancy says.

were you hoping for something different? he says.

that's all people do, adam says.

language is a virus from outer space, he says, as dear william pointed out.

and he goes up to get some yogurt and to piss.

but the main thing is, steve says, are we still amused?

i still am, he says.

well, nancy says, if you're amused then we're amused.

but what about all the pain and suffering? frank says. certainly we are not amused by that.

there is nothing one can do about that, steve says, but get oneself out of it.

but so many aren't able to do that, frank says.

we don't care about that, steve says. let them eat cake.

that seems cruel, frank says.

then let it be cruel, steve says. what would you have us do?

help alleviate some of that pain and suffering, frank says.

i try to live my life so that i at least don't cause any more than it is possible to do so, he says.

i try to send out the positive energy of love, carla says.

yeah, steve says, while others send out the negative energy of hate and it all cancels each other out to zero.

i like zero, he says. that's where i'm at.

you certainly are, nancy says.

we are also writing and posting this for others to read and be amused by, he says.

is that all it is, frank says, just amusement?

should it be anything else? he says.

it should be something that actually helps people, frank says.

but if we can get them to be amused, adam says, that helps.

but how can anyone be amused while the world goes to hell? frank says.

we can be, steve says.

but we have been talking about trying to find things that actually might help others, he says, but so far have come up with nothing.

yeah, adam says. some people are amused by causing pain and suffering for others.

yeah, steve says, what do we do about them?

i don't know, frank says.

neither does anybody else, steve says, except to have them taken out and shot.

but who gets to decide that? he says.

those with the guns, steve says.

yeah, adam says, it's always been those with the biggest sticks who have had their say over everyone else.

it seems so hopeless, frank says.

it is hopeless, steve says. that's why if one can get to a place where one is amused one should do so and forget about everything else.

and that is what we are trying to provide, he says.

how do we do that? frank says.

by providing an example that it can be done, he says.

so, frank says, we're trying to get others to follow us?

no, he says. we try to inspire people to follow themselves.

and he goes up to take his meds.

but we are only able to do this because others work and support us, nancy says.

that is the way it's shaken out, he says.

but we produce nothing of any real value, frank says.

no one produces anything of any real value but those who produce food, clothing and shelter, adam says.

if that's what it was, he says, i'd still be working.

you would be? nancy says. i thought you hated work.

i hate bosses and being yelled at and told i'm a useless fuck up all the time and producing only that which feeds other people's greed, he says. but if it were shared work with everyone involved then i'd do it.

you're a communist? jane says.

fuck communism, he says. they have bosses and greed too.

so, jane says, what are you then?

i'm a crazy old bum, he says.

so, jane says, you're pretty much useless to anyone.

to those who need someone to abuse, he says, yes.

that seems to include just about everyone in the world, steve says.

yeah, he says. and then they complain when i sit around and do nothing.

you're just a stubborn old mule, nancy says.

i can be, he says. my only power is to resist.

if only others would do more of that, carla says, we might have the world we want.

we need to organize, frank says.

fuck that, steve says.

yeah, he says. that only brings in new bosses. it accomplishes nothing but maintain the status quo.

we need unorganized resistance, adam says.

that seems to be happening, he says. but as more people opt out there is a steady line of those willing to opt in.

and it all continues, adam says.

and it's everywhere, he says. even when i was on the street i was confronted by other bums who thought they were the ones in charge.

it's even among those who claim to believe otherwise, steve says. anarchists for example. they make me laugh.

yeah, he says. we don't know how to organize any differently. it's our ape nature to create and maintain hierarchies.

but we'll evolve out of that at some point, adam says.

i doubt that, steve says.

so, frank says, there is no hope?

our only hope is that when the whole thing collapses in on itself that we manage to put it back together differently, he says.

and that is doubtful, steve says.

it'll all be like vonnegut's player piano, he says.

it'll be like every revolution in history, steve says. more of the same.

and such a perfect opportunity wasted, adam says.

unless we take over and change it, frank says.

if there's gonna be bosses, steve says, it might as well be us.

but how would we change anything? he says.

but having people taken out and shot who don't co-operate, steve says.

until they rise up and have us taken out and shot, adam says.

it'll be the spontaneous awakening and realization of the christ within us that'll do it, nancy says.

if that were only true, adam says. but i can't imagine it happening.

then things will never change, nancy says, and there is no hope.

imagining it happening will be it happening, he says.

yes, nancy says. it's all in our heads.

but others imagine so many other things to be, steve says. nasty horrible things.

they can continue to do that in their own hell, frank says.

but how do we isolate them apart? he says.

yeah, adam says. it could be anyone at anytime anywhere.

that's always been the problem, he says. we haven't come up with a workable idea that'll accomplish that.

they're born every minute, steve says.

it could be everyone, adam says.

it is everyone, steve says.

until the wheat is separated from the chaff, nancy says, and we shed our dark evil selves.

there was a star trek episode about that once, he says. the skin of evil. they are confronted by armus who is the discarded remains from some species who did just that who is left to stew isolated and alone in its own juices of hate and anger for eternity.

who cares about that? frank says. as long as we're free of it.

that's what this species obviously thought, he says. but i think i'm on record as saying that i refuse to take a step into heaven if it means one person going to hell even if that means our discarded evil nature.

yes, nancy says, but i think we also pointed out that you are already in heaven.

yes, he says, with my evil nature intact.

so it would seem, nancy says.

it's a matter of finding balance, he says, not of eliminating one or the other.

but still there are those others in hell while you just sit here basking in it, adam says.

i am as much in that hell as they are, he says. i just managed to shift my perspective of it.

you are such a hypocrite, jane says.

yes, he says, i am.

and that doesn't bother you? jane says.

why should it, he says. everyone else is one too. it's human nature.

so, frank says, there is nothing we have to offer anyone?

our amusement, steve says.

but who would find any of this amusing? jane says.

maybe somebody, adam says.

i doubt it, jane says.

oh well, he says. it's all we got.

and he goes up to get an onion bagel and cream cheese.

we need some sort of adventure, jane says. people like adventure.

like what? he says.

like that we go on some sort of quest or something, jane says.

a quest for what? he says.

something magical, jane says. like the mystery stone.

what's the mystery stone? adam says.

it is rumored to grant wishes, jane says.

and how do we find it? he says.

that's what the adventure's about, jane says.

sounds too much like work, he says.

but it'd be fun, jane says. and people would read it.

but people can read that shit anywhere, he says, by more talented writers than me.

but this is nothing but stoned sophomoric sophistry dada, jane says.

so, he says, if we decide to go look for this mystery stone where do we go?

well, jane says, we need to find someone who can help us find it.

who? he says.

a talking toad, jane says.

ok, he says. and what does this talking toad tell us?

first we need to find the talking toad, jane says.

how do we do that? he says.

we follow along on the pathless path until we come upon it sitting on a rock, jane says.

seems easy enough, he says.

but following along on the pathless path is difficult, jane says. there's all sorts of obstacles in our way.

there always are, he says.

but we manage to find our way and get through them, jane says.

of course, he says.

and we come upon the talking toad, jane says, and it tells us to go ask the witch.

what witch? he says.

the witch living in the forest, jane says.

and how do we find the witch? he says.

the talking toad tells us that when in doubt turn left, jane says.

that sounds like good advice, he says.

so, jane says, we turn left and there's a cottage before us with an old woman standing out front stirring something around in a cauldron and we walk up to her and ask if she knows where the mystery stone is and she says she might and why should she tells us and we offer that if we find it we'll let her have a wish and she bargains for 3 and we make a deal so she tells us we have to go see the wizard of the eastern mountain and so we continue along on our way.

this is where i start losing interest, he says. but go on.

well, jane says, we walk along going east and maybe have some more difficulties.

you can skip that part, he says.

ok, jane says. but that's why people read this shit for the action and suspense.

i just want it to be over so i can go back to what i'm doing, he says.

which is nothing, jane says.

which is how i like it, he says.

well anyway, jane says, we finally reach the bottom of the eastern mountain and begin going up it when we come to an inn and decide to stop and get something to eat and also ask where we might find the wizard and when we go inside all conversation stops and everyone is staring at us until the landlady comes up to us and asks us what we want and we say something to eat and she tells us she'll get us something to take with us but we have to wait outside which we do until she comes out and we ask her where the wizard is and she tells us he doesn't live on the mountain anymore but is presently residing in a condo in the city.

that's a twist, he says.

well, jane says, that's what people want is the unexpected.

ok, he says. and then what? i would imagine we go to the city.

yes, jane says. the landlady gives us an address and we go on our way back down the mountain and off to the city where we find the belaire condominiums which are in slight disrepair and buzz his number and a faint voice crackles out of the tinny speaker and asks who it is and we tell him that we're looking for the mystery stone and he says who isn't but buzzes us up anyway and the elevator is broken so we need to climb 6 flights of stairs and knock on his door which he opens a crack and asks again who it is and we tell him and he lets us into his condo which is packed with all sorts of stuff and reeks of garbage and cat piss but we go inside and ask him how we might find the mystery stone and he says we'll need a diving wand to locate it which he happens to have and will trade us for cleaning up his condo which we reluctantly agree to and he steps out to go to a cafe around the corner while we proceed to haul out the trash to the basement and go get cleaning supplies and it takes us all day but we manage to get it as clean as it's gonna get and the wizard comes back and is satisfied but tells us that the divining wand is in hock at the magick shoppe and they are probably closed by now and we say how come he didn't think to get it earlier and he says he didn't think we'd actually finish cleaning his place but he calls the magick shoppe to see if someone might be there and there is and they say they'll wait for him and we all go and get the divining wand out of hock and he gives it to us and we ask him where we should start looking and he says anyplace where there's stones and we say that's a big help but he doesn't tell us anything else so we go on our way.

and then what? he says.

that's as far as i thought of it, jane says.

well, adam says, you can't leave us hanging.

ok, jane says. so we go to a bar to think it over and we're talking and soon some guy who overhears us playing pool comes up to us and says he might know where the mystery stone is and will take us there if we allow him some wishes and so we agree and he says we'll need to hike a couple of days and we need to get gear and meet him in the morning which we do and in the morning we set out in his van to drive awhile until the road runs out somewhere in the wilderness and we get out and start hiking until it gets dark and we camp by a stream and tell ghost stories around a campfire and then go to sleep to wake the next morning early and hike some more up a mountain until we come to a valley that is littered with stones and we set up camp again and then begin divining the stones with the wand in the waning twilight and find nothing and decide to sleep then we wake in the morning and divine some more until that afternoon when suddenly we feel a tingling pointing the wand at a particular stone which must be the one and then notice that the guy is pointing a gun at us and orders us to back away and takes the stone and shoots frank in the leg.

why me? frank says.

it has to be one of us, jane says. that's the way the story works.

i guess, frank says.

so, jane says, the guy takes off with the stone while we tend to frank and he gets away and we decide to stay and camp another night until frank's leg stops bleeding and in the morning it does and we leave to return to get frank to a doctor and help her hobble along as we slowly make our way back down the mountain until we come across the guy lying on his face on the ground and we approach him and roll him over and discover that he's been mauled to death and so we take the mystery stone back though we're thinking that maybe it might have a curse on it.

what about the wishes? he says.

oh yeah, jane says. we make a wish that frank's leg is healed and it heals and then we wish ourselves back home and we end up here.

what about the witch? adam says.

fuck the witch, steve says.

no, jane says. we go back to the witch and grant her the 3 wishes which she does in private and thanks us and gives it back.

the end? he says.

what else do we wish for? adam says.

peace, love and understanding throughout the whole world, carla says.

be careful, he says. wishes can backfire. mulder on x-files wished for world peace once and the human race disappeared.

yeah, jane says. we decide to leave well enough alone and go bury the mystery stone in the garden.

so, he says, all that for nothing.

all that for our amusement, jane says.

i guess, he says.

it would have been better if i told the whole thing instead of just the synopsis of it, jane says.

that was enough for me, he says. i kinda wish most stories would get to the point like that.

but a story is to be savored, jane says. it's the telling and the listening that make it what it is.

i suppose, he says.

and he goes up to piss.

and he decides to edit the last part awhile.

and he goes up to piss.

so, nancy says, how does the last part read?

horrible, he says. even i don't know what we're talking about most of the time.

it happens, steve says.

oh well, he says.

oh hell, adam says.

well, steve says, we said that this is all meaningless dada.

it is that, he says.

what do you expect making up shit like gazorbnik? nancy says.

i expected it to be amusing, he says. it's not even that.

we've taken on too much taking on everything, nancy says.

i suppose, he says.

suppose we imagine something amusing? steve says.

like what? he says.

i imagine going out and abducting some young guy and bringing him back here bound and gagged and taking him down into the cellar and raping and torturing and killing him, steve says.

and then raping him again, adam says.

i don't find that very amusing, carla says.

i don't think most people would find that amusing, he says.

they're too squeamish, steve says, and so are you.

it's not going to happen, he says.

so, steve says, i'll have to just imagine it then.

you are free to imagine whatever you want, he says.

but why not imagine something more positive? carla says. like helping somebody?

i don't want to, steve says. it doesn't amuse me as much as this does.

i imagine us dressing up as clowns and going to the hospital to entertain kids who are dying, carla says. and they and the family and friends who are there with them and the nurses too all love it.

and we come back and tear at each others costumes and fuck as soon as we get back in the house, jane says.

sure, carla says, that can be part of it too.

so, nancy says, what sort of clown are you?

coyote, carla says.

ok, nancy says. and steve?

a happy circus clown, carla says.

ok, nancy says. and adam?

a harlequin, carla says.

and frank? nancy says.

a bear on a bike with a funny little hat, carla says.

and jane? nancy says.

a mime, carla says.

and i'll be a kitty, nancy says.

i'm not going to be a clown, he says.

yes, nancy says, you are. an emmett kelly clown.

great, he says.

he goes up to make coffee.

as he sits before the computer wondering all sorts of things about nothing.

his baby on the phone making reservations for her trip to omaha this weekend.

he'll miss her.

he lights a cigarette.

and it's all like wind in his hair driving across the desert with a dog in the back seat.

and he goes up for more coffee and to poop.

he comes back down and takes a toke.

and somewhere he's lost it all.

he wonders how to get it back.

if he wasn't so jaded now.

or is that the right word?

cynical?

he's lost his innocence.

his naive faith in that his doubts would lead him somewhere besides this wasteland.

but even this he had foreseen.

flickering and fleeting in acid vision.

laughing and screaming in his head.

he imagines how it will be.

so limitless and free.

vividly lucid.

mind shift/ship transfixing ourselves to ourselves.

transporting us through the crossfire of frustrated rage around us.

a world going berserk collapsing in on itself.

it's gonna be a rough ride for anyone.

oh boy.

.

as one lets go and holds on.

it's knowing which to do in any given moment that is the trick.

a trick of the trade.

the trade of fools.

fools of the trade.

he goes up for more coffee.

and only a fool would write this ongoing gibberish and thought it means something.

until the world discovered his mad genius.

ha.

but some might be amused.

he imagines someone reading now and thinking - what the fuck?

or not.

and he answers with gazorbnik.

as a spaceship hovers nearby.

and all that gazorbnik might mean or not.

the endless possibilities.

the mystery of it.

almost like everything itself.

and almost like nothing at all.

and here he still sits.

and he decides to go to the beach on the island where he imagines nancy is waiting.

so, nancy says, you kinda drifted away on us.

it happens, he says.

so, nancy says, now what?

i imagine you going over and sucking off that zebra coming up the beach until it cums gushing from your lips and down your neck between your tits to your belly down to your pussy, he says.

the zebra dragging the dead nun? nancy says.

that's the one, he says.

oh, nancy says.

so, he says, all this for my amusement.

i hope you're happy, nancy says.

one experiences happiness and sorrow in equal measure, he says.

not everyone, nancy says.

yes, he says. there are those in constant torment or constant glee.

and all along in-between, nancy says.

as is true with all dualities, he says.

as we sit in the middle, nancy says.

until we are thrown to the wolves, he says.

useless dregs, nancy says.

yup, he says.

so, nancy says, but we are here now.

yes, he says, we are at that.

find the groove of everything and dig it, nancy says.

gazorbnik, he says.

is that what gazorbnik means? nancy says.

for the moment, he says.

like waves crashing on the beach, nancy says, pulled by the tides pulled by the moon.

though there are some theories that would deny that, he says.

theories that are included in with our theory, nancy says.

of course, he says. our theory of everything.

our theory of everything as perceived by a madman, nancy says.

who has god going mad laughing and screaming at the void in his head, he says.

that creates everything out of nothing, nancy says, all in its wild and free imagination.

the solipsistic fantasy, he says.

when one can no longer tolerate the absurdity of everything, nancy says.

when one dances and sings and falls down and laughs, he says.

and one finds oneself sitting in paradise, nancy says.

the garden in the midst of the forest of dreams, he says, on an island in the eye of a storm on an otherwise calm sea.

the sea is humanity, nancy says.

yes, he says, and all that humanity is.

which no one has quite figured out yet, nancy says, though there are theories galore.

and we include them all in with our theory of everything, he says.

of course, nancy says.

as it all contradicts itself, he says.

if one happens to be looking at it rationalogically, nancy says.

but irrationalogically, he says, it is all countless possibilities.

yes, nancy says.

but nevermind that, he says.

yes, nancy says. it is not important.

but what is important? he says.

what is important is whatever one might be imagining, nancy says.

and following the pathless path of it to find what one might find to be amusing, he says.

and let go and hold on, nancy says. it's gonna be a rough ride.

and they decide to return back to the house by the garden and arrive to find carla and frank gone to work and adam and steve in the garden leaving jane waiting all alone leashed to her chair masturbating as she cums soon after they walk in the open kitchen door.

they light cigarettes after.

have you been a good girl? nancy says.

yes, mistress, jane says.

good, nancy says hiking up her dress, you can give it one lick.

and jane gets down on her knees between nancy's legs and begins at her asshole inserting her tongue inside it and drawing it slowly out again and up to her cunt through between the tender folds of flesh to nancy's clit as nancy cums as jane's tongue tip tickles it.

they light cigarettes after.

and he goes up to nuke a spaghetti dinner.

and his baby is up from a nap.

so, he says, i think we need to focus a bit more.

or disperse a bit more, nancy says.

right, he says. or neither or both.

it doesn't much matter, nancy says.

no, he says, since this is all meaningless dada.

but that gives it any meaning we might choose to give it, nancy says.

if we have the free will to be able to make a choice, he says, otherwise we'll have to fake it.

but we've been faking it the whole time, nancy says, just making it up as we go along.

and, he says, everything we might have to say is a lie.

imagine that, nancy says.

and he takes another toke.

so, jane says, we are trapped in our own device.

it would seem that way at times, he says.

only at times? jane says.

like waves coming in and going out on the beach, he says.

yes, jane says.

this is the fugue of it all, nancy says.

the coming in and going out of thematic variations, he says.

weaving a tapestry of our confusion, nancy says.

our confusion in our incomprehension of everything around us, he says.

though there are many who claim to know such things as that, nancy says.

while most are blowing it out their ass, jane says.

just as we are doing ourselves, he says.

yes, nancy says, indeed we are.

much to our amusement, he says.

while everything is a story we tell ourselves as we imagine it, nancy says.

yes, he says.

so, jane says, at what point is this imaginary and at what point it is real?

this is where it blends together, he says, and who knows whatever it might be.

and the surf's up, nancy says.

right, jane says.

and then adam and steve come in from the garden and sit down.

so, adam says, where we at now?

blending what's imaginary with what's real, jane says.

that sounds like a fun project, adam says.

we've been amused with it so far though we just now thought of it, he says.

and of course it is included in with our theory, adam says.

as is everything, nancy says.

it would have to be, adam says.

yes, nancy says.

and he sits before the computer eating pretzels.

drying out his mouth further.

he gulps some water.

as his baby comes down from putting the kids to bed with april working.

he chews some double bubble to get at the bits of pretzel stuck in his broken teeth.

and he thinks some more about gazorbnik and whatever the fuck it might mean.

to gazorbnik.

to gazorbnik is to absolutely utterly become amazed at everything.

in the delight and terror of it all.

and he wonders about this.

and he lights a cigarette.

as his baby watches her tv and he escapes into pandora.

so, steve says, when one has difficulty distinguishing imaginary from real then one has become mad.

but the entire human race has that difficulty and has had it since as far back as we can remember, he says.

that's no excuse, steve says. one must rise above mass consciousness into one's own consciousness.

yes, he says. i would agree.

then what are we arguing about? steve says.

were we? he says.

were we what? steve says.

exactly, he says.

and he goes up to take his meds.

so, adam says, have we painted ourselves into a corner?

the universe is our oyster, he says.

i love oysters, steve says. it's like a big load of cum sliding down your throat.

it looks like snot to me, he says. but i like them deep fried.

what a pussy you are, adam says.

i've been called worse, he says.

like what? steve says.

fuck stain, he says.

yeah? adam says.

motherless fuck, he says.

yeah? adam says.

yeah, he says.

so, jane says, is this what we're gonna talk about?

not necessarily, he says.

what would you like to talk about? adam says.

i like cock and pussy and plenty of it, jane says.

well, adam says, if your mistress will allow it you can have some of ours.

go ahead, nancy says.

and jane takes off her skirt and top and goes over and strokes adam's cock to it full stature and mounts it with her pussy while steve comes around behind her to stick his cock up her ass and pulls her head back by her hair and gives her some rocking motion while she slides up and down on adam's pole until they all cum together at once.

and they light cigarettes after except adam.

then jane returns to nancy who tells her to sit down and nancy gets on her knees before her and licks the cum dripping from jane's asshole and cunt and then begins working on her clit and jane cums as does nancy who has been masturbating the whole time.

and they light cigarettes after except adam.

so, steve says, where are we at?

maybe we should begin at the beginning, adam says.

and go through all of this again? steve says.

and who of us remembers where this began from? he says.

didn't we start with gazorbnik? nancy says.

yeah, he says, and then to god going mad.

and then to our theory of everything, nancy says.

and it is it and/or it is not it, he says.

and all that contradicts itself, nancy says.

and then we got mixed up in defining what is and is not paradise and for who and how and why, he says.

yeah, steve says. all that shit was a waste of time.

it has no solution, adam says.

no, he says, i think we probably can agree on that.

and he goes up to piss.

so, steve says, where are we at?

well, he says, we got somewhat lost after that.

lost in what? adam says.

we probably got lost in our own confusion, steve says.

you guys always sound like you're confused, jane says.

that's because we are confused, adam says.

the confusion of doubt, nancy says.

and it's only probably gonna get worse, steve says.

as everything breaks down, he says.

the whole world in a confusion of doubt, steve says.

but are any of them ready for that? adam says.

they'll pretty much freak out, he says, as their dreams collapse around them.

visualize world rioting, steve says.

as the lights go out and the food is gone, he says.

and people find themselves out on the street, steve says.

armed and ready, adam says, and looking for a fight.

x-day, steve says.

of the year zero, he says.

all according to plan, nancy says.

according to plan? he says.

you did assign me as midwife to the birth of the new creature on the earth, nancy says.

yes, he says.

so, nancy says, that includes the destruction of the old world.

yes, he says. i understand.

so, steve says, is this the same as the christ awakening within us?

yes, nancy says. that's the new creature.

i thought we were going to be cyborgs, adam says.

it might happen that way, he says.

but that requires advanced technology, steve says. i thought everything was breaking down.

it depends on how far it falls, he says, and/or how quickly it comes back.

right, steve says.

so, jane says, as long as i can continue to fuck i'll be doing ok.

how about forcibly raped, he says, as the militia gangs come through?

that'd be ok, jane says. i like it rough.

but none of that is gonna happen here on the island, nancy says.

it might, he says.

but this is only in your head, adam says.

i may come under psychic attack, he says.

so, adam says, we could be fucked too.

yup, he says.

but nevermind all that, nancy says.

yes, he says, into the nevermind with it where so many things seem to fit.

whatever fits and adapts, adam says.

we've all had to fit and adapt, he says.

as soon as we're born, adam says.

the struggle to survive, he says.

struggle to survive against ourselves, steve says.

it's a strange world, adam says. who'd ever imagine such a thing?

the gods in their infinite wisdom, he says.

fuck the gods, steve says. i say we revolt.

while the others pray and worship, adam says.

to hell with them, steve says. let them die with their gods.

right, he says.

and he goes up to take a shower.

he's hot and sticky with a heat wave.

and he comes back refreshed and molly licks and bites at his arm.

so, steve says, where we at?

i'm tired and about to go to bed, he says.

so, jane says, what is it like to go insane?

it's a lot like this, he says.

having conversations with figments of imagination in your head? jane says.

something like that, he says.

it's not such a bad life, jane says.

he goes up to get a can of pineapple.

as he listens to some jazz on pandora.

it's the life i learned to live, he says.

all our lives are the lives we learned to live, jane says.

not yours, he says. i invented you on the spot.

right, jane says.

actually none of you have anything to say to me about anything, he says.

then why talk with us? jane says.

i'm insane, he says.

right, jane says.

and he puts out a cigarette and goes to bed.

he wakes up early with his baby who has to catch a flight.

he makes coffee.

he comes down to the bunker and out to the house by the garden where the others are at including carla and frank.

as a spaceship hovers nearby.

hey, they say.

hey, he says.

you ready to go? nancy says.

where we going? he says.

straight to hell, nancy says.

yeah, he says, there's always that possibility.

you don't believe that, jane says.

one never knows, he says. the world is a strange place.

i'll enjoy hell, steve says.

sneakers make my feet stink, he says.

that's interesting, adam says.

so, steve says, everything we say is unintelligible.

it's all meaningless dada, he says.

it seems ok to me, adam says. i understand it.

it's fine for us, he says, but no one else.

quit worrying about what others may think, nancy says.

i need to worry about something, he says. i'm human.

people worry about the dumbest shit, frank says.

but we're all human, he says.

technically, nancy says, you're the only one human here. we're not real.

real enough to me, he says.

and he goes up for more coffee.

and his baby leaves.

so, steve says, where we at?

we're where nobody wants to be at, he says.

why wouldn't they? frank says.

it's scary getting here, he says.

it's scary being here, adam says.

everywhere is scary, carla says.

everything is scary, he says.

but being scared is part of what is amusing, steve says.

not to most people, he says. they want contented lives free of worry and strife.

well, steve says, their world is about to be rocked.

as is mine, he says. worry and strife all over the place.

too bad for you, frank says.

but that's when i go crazy, he says.

being crazy is the best place to be, steve says.

like you would know, he says.

actually, steve says, i wouldn't.

i didn't think so, he says. i wouldn't recommend it.

i remember you first showing up on the island, nancy says. you were a wreck.

i'd just been shipwrecked, he says.

all in your head, carla says.

yeah, he says. silly me.

you are a very silly old man, jane says.

it happens, he says.

so, adam says, is this absurdist?

absurdist is old hat, steve says.

yeah, nancy says, everyone's an absurdist now.

and we can't be what everyone else is, steve says.

we must be something new, frank says.

as if anyone is paying attention, he says.

fuck them, steve says.

i'd like to fuck them, jane says.

is there anyone you wouldn't fuck? adam says.

i can't think of anyone, jane says. i've known them all.

you're such a whore, adam says.

i'm not a whore, jane says. i fuck for free.

you're just compensating for low self esteem, frank says.

i've got great self esteem, jane says. i'm hot and i know it.

do you only think of yourself in terms of sex? frank says.

sure, jane says, why not? what else is there?

you should come work with me, carla says. you'll get all the action you want.

that might not be such a bad idea, jane says. maybe i will.

you can come in with me later, carla says. give the guys some straight up pussy for once.

i'd like that, jane says.

as he imagines a rather large dog coming in the open kitchen door and jane calls it to her and gets it to lie down and roll over while she gets down on her hands and knees and kisses and licks its asshole and balls and fondling its cock until it emerges red and swollen which she then rubs on her face and takes in her mouth to suck it until the dog whines and then cums.

and he goes up to eat some yogurt after first having a cigarette as molly walks by to be petted.

and he decides to go up to lie down awhile.

he wakes up when it's time to take his meds.

and april's made coffee.

so, nancy says, you awake now?

sure, he says. but hungry.

he goes up to make a bratdog.

ok now? nancy says.

sure, he says.

ok, nancy says, now what?

i never know now what, he says. this all just comes to me as it comes to me.

so, nancy says, what's coming to you now?

and idea of imagining you guys taking jane down to the cellar and putting her in the pillory and whipping her and maybe zapping her pussy with the cattle prod and then fucking her, he says.

we can do that, nancy says.

and they do much to jane's delight as she flinches and cries out with the whip lashes nancy lays on her back and jerks with each touch of the cattle prod to her pussy that makes her piss on the floor and then they each fuck her in turn with nancy using a dildo then they all piss on her.

and after they leave her there while they come back up to the kitchen and light cigarettes except adam.

ok, nancy says, now what?

now, he says, business as usual.

the usual meaningless dada? steve says.

what else is there? he says.

nothing as much as i know about anything, steve says.

as he takes a couple of tokes or 3.

so, frank says, what is the point to any of this?

it keeps us amused, adam says.

this is how we keep ourselves amused? frank says.

yeah, he says, imagining all sorts of stuff.

i guess, frank says.

and the sex, steve says.

yes, frank says. i like that part.

thank the gods for it, adam says.

fuck the gods, steve says.

what makes you say that? frank says.

look at all the other misery they put people through, steve says.

i thought that was karma, frank says.

there is that at play as well, he says. but the gods still have their whims.

all for their idle amusement, steve says.

but what is this we're doing if not idle amusement? frank says.

but we don't victimize people with it, steve says.

we've imagined it, nancy says.

what about jane? adam says.

she's allowed us that of her own consent, nancy says.

oh, adam says.

but we need to revolt against the gods, steve says.

good luck convincing people to do that, he says. they love their gods.

they kill and die for their gods, frank says.

as their gods command, steve says. that's why we need to overthrow them.

and replace them ourselves? frank says.

why not? steve says. we'd be better at it than them having suffered the abuses of it.

i don't know, he says. once one has power in their hands it changes them.

i'd be a god of love, carla says.

i'll be the god of sex, frank says.

i'll be the god of vengeance, steve says.

against who? he says.

all those opposed to us and our revolution, steve says.

and do what with them? he says.

have them taken out and shot, steve says.

like they would do with us, he says.

right, steve says. but we'll get to them first.

but we don't have any guns, he says.

the ones we will command will have them, steve says.

and who's that? he says.

those we convince to revolt, steve says.

yeah, he says, most are ready to revolt as soon as an opportunity opens up.

so, steve says, we take control of them and direct them where we want.

how do we do that? he says.

we've already done that, steve says. we are them. we're infiltrated among them as we speak.

i see, he says.

i doubt any of this, frank says.

doubt is good, he says. it keeps the neurons firing.

as april has taken the kids to school.

as he sits alone in the house with molly.

as he sits down in the bunker before the computer.

as a friend of his just called and is coming over.

the neurons keep firing in a body just sitting around going to waste, frank says.

it happens, he says.

but is it what we would recommend for others? frank says.

they're probably already doing it, steve says. crazy lazy misfits like us.

yup, he says.

so, steve says, where we at?

we are at the here and now, he says, and trying to stay here and now.

but we go off on tangents, frank says.

so? he says. one is allowed that in the here and now.

but i thought one needed to be focused, frank says.

or diffused, nancy says.

yes, he says, or neither or both.

everything is possible in the here and now, nancy says.

but what about our concern for the future? carla says.

let the future come as it will, he says. we have little if any control over it happening one way or another except all of us en masse together.

the waves pulled by the tides pulled by the moon, nancy says.

and all that cosmic jazz thing, he says.

this is it, adam says.

it would appear to be it, he says.

it is the apex of it all, adam says.

in theory, he says.

of course, adam says.

there may not be one singular thing for things to be or aspire to be or attain, he says, but a multitude of things.

of course, adam says.

or not, he says.

not to mention that it's all meaningless dada, steve says.

but you just did mention it, he says.

yes, steve says, i did.

i should go get jane, nancy says.

and she does so and jane comes up and goes to take a shower.

so, nancy says, as we sit here taking up space and time.

that's what it's all about, adam says. it's all just space and time.

including as many dimensions as we might need to imagine, he says.

is that where the island is, adam says, in another dimension?

it would seem that it would be, he says.

unless it's not, nancy says.

but consciousness is another dimension, frank says.

there are theories that would state that to be true, he says.

and others that would state it to be false, steve says.

everything is true/false, adam says.

in theory, he says.

yes, adam says.

as we mix it up a little more, he says.

no wonder we're so confused, steve says.

we no longer listen to the voice of reason, carla says.

nope, he says.

unless it is the irrationalogical voice of reason, nancy says.

well, he says, there is that.

or the imaginary voice of reason, adam says.

that too, he says.

and his friend comes over and they talk about this same meaningless dada.

and he has a couple of tokes.

so, nancy says, your friend give you any sort of confirmation that you're maybe not nuts?

sort of, he says. there's always been a few people around who do that. but we're all together a slim minority.

perhaps, nancy says.

and none of them read what i write, he says. they've each looked at it and pushed it away in bewilderment and confusion.

but that's what it's all about, nancy says.

few want to be exposed to that sort of thing for too long, he says.

and here you are in it for life, nancy says.

it would seem that way, he says.

some may feel that way, adam says, but others will dig it.

maybe, he says.

nevermind, nancy says.

and jane comes back and nancy clips her leash back on as jane sits at her side.

so, carla says, it can kinda mess with one's head.

it's messed with mine, he says.

god going mad laughing and screaming at the void in one's head, steve says.

something like that, he says.

i don't get what you're talking about, jane says.

we're talking about what it's like being mad, steve says.

and what is it like? jane says.

one has to experience it, he says.

it's like having conversations with imaginary people inside one's own head, steve says.

so, jane says, it's just like this?

sort of, he says.

and he goes up to nuke a spaghetti dinner and make coffee.

so, adam says, where we at?

along in the same moment now as before but different, nancy says.

the eternal moment? adam says.

we cannot know that, he says.

we can't? adam says.

we have no way of measuring it, he says.

we can calculate it, adam says.

but calculations need to be backed up by measurements, he says.

right, adam says.

or, he says, so the theory goes.

right, adam says.

so, carla says, how are the pumpkins?

they're doing just fine, jane says.

that's good to hear, carla says.

yes, jane says. it is good news.

one doesn't hear good news much, carla says.

it's one damned thing after another, jane says.

you got that right, carla says.

i've got a turnip in my pocket, jane says.

but you're not wearing any clothes, carla says.

it's easier this way since i'm getting fucked all the time, jane says.

i want to fuck you now, carla says.

ask my mistress, jane says.

and nancy gives her consent and carla turns jane around and bends her over her chair and fucks away at her with increasingly rapid thrusts until they both cum together at once.

they light cigarettes after except adam.

well, nancy says, everything is as clear as mud.

probably, he says, though i feel that i understand it.

then explain it to the rest of us, nancy says.

we've all been doing that together, he says.

that's the explanation? nancy says.

sort of, he says.

what do you mean sort of? nancy says.

i mean you're sort of the whore of babylon in this movie, he says.

i am? nancy says.

yes, he says.

what do i do? nancy says.

fornicate with kings, he says.

but they're a bunch of fat old men, nancy says.

and you'll love it, he says.

i do? nancy says.

yes, he says.

imagine my surprise, nancy says.

i thought you'd like it, he says.

i love it, nancy says.

so, adam says, anything new about gazorbnik?

not as much as i know, he says.

have we decided on what it might mean? carla says.

we decided many meanings for it, he says, most of which i don't remember at the moment.

experiencing the orgasm of the universe was one, jane says.

you would remember that one, steve says.

of course, jane says. it's the only one i can understand.

i think we all can relate to it, he says.

but an orgasm running all the way up the spine through all the open chakras at once, frank says.

i've had those, jane says. they're incredible.

i'm sure, adam says.

so, nancy says, what else might it mean?

it means experiencing the ultimate in everything, he says.

even pain and suffering? steve says.

yes, he says, for some people.

that's unfortunate, nancy says.

but for us, he says, we are in the balance of it.

for how long? steve says.

as long as we imagine it, he says.

which may only be for a moment, steve says.

it's relative, he says.

the eternal moment? adam says.

it could be, he says.

or not, nancy says.

so, adam says, is the universe an organism having an orgasm or is it an orgasm itself?

it could be either or both, he says, or neither.

the universe is a big marshmallow, carla says.

it could be, he says.

we'll have to include that in with our theory, nancy says.

are we still working on our theory? adam says.

well, he says, there isn't much more to do. we've included everything.

but we're still working on it just the same, nancy says.

and he goes up for more coffee and some chocolate ice cream.

no more chocolate ice cream.

as a spaceship hovers nearby.

so, he says, what's with all the spaceships hovering all over the place?

don't you know? nancy says.

nope, he says.

aren't you imagining them? nancy says.

nope, he says.

well, nancy says, i don't know. i assumed they were your idea.

maybe the aliens are imaginary, adam says.

then why would they abduct people? he says.

yeah, carla says, and why give them anal probes?

there's someone we could ask, frank says.

who? nancy says.

the woman in the blue dress, carla says.

what does she know? he says.

she knows how to call the spaceships, frank says.

where do we find her? nancy says.

she comes into the saloon every night, carla says.

oh, he says. we should go see her.

she comes in later, frank says.

ok, he says.

but we could go there and wait, steve says. i'm tired of being here all the time.

sure, he says.

and they all fly to the saloon and land and enter and inside is a bar along the right wall with tables to the left and they find one in the back corner by a window and they order ales and burgers and fries from the server except for carla and jane who need to get to work as they go over to the bar and sidle up with a couple of guys who seem happy to see them and buy them drinks and soon the four are walking out the back together.

and he goes up to lie down awhile.

he wakes up and everything is the same only different.

april went off to work.

his baby is still gone.

he's all by himself down in the bunker before the computer.

he goes up and takes his meds.

he goes to bed.

he wakes up late and tired and makes coffee and comes down to the bunker and out to the beach on the island to watch the waves.

and nancy comes to join him.

hey, nancy says,

hey, he says.

i thought i'd find you here, nancy says.

yeah, he says. i'm just trying to regroup a little.

you're really not awake yet, nancy says, are you?

not really, he says.

you want me to leave you alone? nancy says.

no, he says. you're ok. it's the others who are too much right now.

yeah, nancy says. i can dig that.

and he goes up for more coffee and to take his meds.

he farts.

so, he says, what's going on?

you left us at the saloon, nancy says.

right, he says. anything happening there?

just sitting around drinking, nancy says.

the woman in the blue dress ever show up? he says.

yeah, nancy says. she said she'd help us for a price.

so, he says, did she call the spaceships?

she can, nancy says. but you weren't there so we agreed to meet tonight.

oh, he says.

so, nancy says, they're all back at the house again if you want to go there.

not quite yet, he says.

i understand, nancy says.

i just want something to mean something, he says.

i thought our amusement gave things meaning, nancy says.

yeah, he says, i suppose.

you don't sound too convinced, nancy says.

it seems rather insignificant, he says.

we are insignificant, nancy says.

but we may be the gods, he says.

the gods are insignificant, nancy says.

yeah, he says. everything is far greater than that.

it's a mystery, nancy says.

i'm tired of mystery, he says.

too bad, nancy says. it's not going to go away.

no, he says, it's not.

and he goes up for more coffee.

so, nancy says, you're seeming a little depressed.

depression is always a part of it, he says.

what about the joy? nancy says.

it's still there, he says. it's all a mix of whatever emotions all at once.

that seems like it would be confusing, nancy says.

everything is confusing, he says.

it is that, nancy says.

what do we expect it to be having been created by a mad god? he says.

if our theory holds, nancy says.

how can it not? he says.

many believe in a just forgiving benevolent god, nancy says. they could not face up to god being mad.

they're all afraid of their own shadows, he says.

people's shadows are frightening things, nancy says. all sorts of evil lurks there.

but when it is all exposed to the light, he says, it dissipates into nothing.

that's too much for most people, nancy says. they want a god to protect them.

if i can do it, he says, then they can do it.

they don't want to think about it and work on it like you have, nancy says. they just want it to go away.

but it never goes away, he says.

that's why they need some all-powerful savior god to come rescue them, nancy says.

they'll get just that, he says, and wish they hadn't.

yes, nancy says.

so, he says, it's all just made up dada.

that's all we can do, nancy says. we each try to put it together in a way that makes sense to us.

and we can't come to any sort of agreement on about any of it, he says.

why should we? nancy says. each experience of it is different.

but we can't even agree of that, he says. there's so many social forces to conform to one idea.

but isn't that what we're looking for, nancy says, some idea all would agree with?

attempts at that have failed miserably, he says.

they only continue the war, nancy says.

the war of our liberation, he says.

we have managed to liberate ourselves to some extent, nancy says.

not enough, he says. there are so many trapped by the domination of others.

but we can do nothing about that, nancy says.

no, he says, i suppose not.

and he goes up for more coffee and a yogurt.

why bang your head about this? nancy says. sit back and relax and find the groove of everything and dig it.

i do that, he says. but i worry about the others and all their misery.

it's not your concern, nancy says. forget it. you are not here for them but only for yourself.

but they make the world such a miserable place to be in, he says.

forget the world, nancy says. you have the island.

is that it? he says. one just stays inside one's head?

that's where it all begins and ends, nancy says.

but the world could be a paradise, he says.

maybe it will be someday, nancy says.

not in my lifetime, he says.

but maybe it will be when you come back to visit again, nancy says.

i doubt that, he says.

you'll just have to see, nancy says.

i suppose, he says.

when the christ fills our heads, nancy says, it may fall into place.

maybe, he says. but that's all just more dada.

it could be, nancy says. it's only a theory.

but people want truth, he says.

truth takes faith, nancy says. and all out truths so far have been misleading.

and he goes up to poop.

and he has a couple of tokes.

there's always it, he says.

it is it, nancy says.

but it is not it too, he says.

that's a little to abstract for most people, nancy says. they want something more personal.

something more anthropomorphic, he says.

exactly, nancy says. they want their gods to be human.

human but perfect, he says.

in a distorted view of perfection as some sort of ideal static state, nancy says.

so, he says, we've come up with nothing.

what is it we are trying to come up with? nancy says.

something that everyone could agree on, he says.

impossible, nancy says.

you think so? he says.

i don't even think that's desirable, nancy says.

why not? he says.

diversity is what makes everything so interesting, nancy says.

we could still be diverse, he says, if we just agreed not to kill each other over it.

but so many have a vested interest in just that, nancy says, and they have a great deal of influence on others.

we need something that'll break that hold, he says, and allow people to be themselves and at least tolerate others being different which i feel is where most people would be at if they were left to themselves.

but the intolerance of others who are different strikes a deep chord within our ape nature, nancy says.

yeah, he says. that's why we need to evolve.

which we might very well be doing, nancy says.

and meanwhile the world is destroyed, he says.

which may turn out to be the best thing that could have happened to us, nancy says, especially if one views the world as womb. we must be born or both baby and mother will die.

yeah, he says, there is that.

all we can do is speculate about anything, nancy says. it either ends up being true or it doesn't. there is nothing we can do any which way it goes or not as it will of its own accord.

yeah, he says. and that's what we're doing – speculating.

we come up with our theory and throw it out there and see what happens, nancy says. it is either something or it's not. we can do nothing about that either.

but i think we haven't been that clear about just what exactly our theory is, he says.

our theory isn't exact, nancy says. that's the first thing one needs to understand.

yeah, he says. it's all over the place.

but everything is all over the place, nancy says. our theory mirrors that.

and everything includes everything, he says. our theory mirrors that even when what it includes contradicts itself.

and everything is a confusing mystery, nancy says. our theory certainly mirrors that.

but people want to become unconfused, he says. they want enlightenment.

there is nothing like the light of our theory, nancy says. it's the full spectrum from blinding brilliance to absolute darkness.

and here we exist in the gray middle of balanced equality of all dualities, he says.

to more or less extent, nancy says. this is where everything happens for real.

if this is real, he says.

tell that to someone who's been hit in the head with a rock, nancy says.

but we could be a brain in a jar, he says, and that could be stimulated with electrodes.

if one wants to take it that far, nancy says, i suppose.

yeah, he says. that is rather inconsequential to our theory.

so, nancy says, what does this leave us with?

i'm not sure, he says. it all seems kinda intangible. there's nothing for one to grab onto.

and such it is with everything, nancy says.

that's why one needs a rock in one's pocket, he says.

a rock? nancy says. don't you mean a rocket?

no, he says. a simple common ordinary picked up from anywhere rock put in one's pocket.

and what does that do? nancy says.

it gives one something tangible to grasp if and when one needs to, he says.

i suppose, nancy says. but why a rock? anything else would do.

a rock is just a suggestion, he says. but a rock has the advantage of being something that doesn't mean anything.

and why is that important? nancy says.

one doesn't have to believe in anything in order for it to work, he says. it only needs to be a rock. a good old durable rock.

but one might lose it, nancy says.

so? he says. there's always more rocks.

i guess, nancy says.

it's just an idea, he says. and i do it myself.

you have a rock in your pocket? nancy says.

as we speak, he says.

so, nancy says, what else needs to be explained about our theory?

just about everything, he says.

but it gets so complicated and muddled, nancy says.

yeah, he says, it does seem to work itself out that way.

so, nancy says, how do we simplify and clarify it?

gazorbnik, he says.

oh no, nancy says, not that again.

it's the only thing one needs to understand, he says. everything falls into place after one does that.

but we don't even understand it, nancy says.

i understand it completely, he says.

you do? nancy says.

it's really simple, he says. it's only explaining it that gets complex.

then it isn't of any use to anyone, nancy says.

probably not to most people, he says, but there will be those who might follow through the explanation who will get it.

so, nancy says, this becomes another elite exclusive club for one to aspire to belong to.

but gazorbnik is all-inclusive, he says.

so were a lot of things supposed to be, nancy says, but they turned out otherwise because of our collective fascist ape social nature.

but there isn't any one particular thing one needs to come to understand about gazorbnik in order to get it, he says.

most people won't get that, nancy says. they want there to be something.

yes, he says. and that something is gazorbnik.

but it doesn't mean anything, nancy says.

yes, he says. and we've stated before that if something is meaningless that makes it such that we can imagine it meaning anything we want it to mean which is ultimately up to each of us individually and independently.

but so many of us are not individual and independent, nancy says, even especially in our own heads.

but that's what happens when one gazorbniks, he says. it will free one to become individual and independent.

and how does it do that? nancy says.

one does it oneself, he says. we each struggle to free ourselves from everything that restricts us and what we might wish to imagine.

not everyone, nancy says. many cherish the comfort of being enclosed by something that'll protect them. they don't struggle at all.

yes, he says. then gazorbnik is not for them.

so it is exclusive, nancy says.

no, he says. they exclude themselves.

i guess, nancy says.

so, he says, to gazorbnik means to struggle to free oneself to become individual and independent.

but you have not done this, nancy says. you're about as dependent as it gets.

that doesn't matter, he says. anyone not living alone in the woods is dependent on others. one cannot escape that.

so, nancy says, what are you talking about then?

one does this all in one's head, he says.

well, nancy says, i guess you've pretty much done that.

i have as much as i've been able, he says, without having a clue to what i might be doing along the way.

and he goes up to piss and to nuke a bratdog.

so, nancy says, what does all this lead to?

what do you mean? he says.

if and when one becomes individual and independent, nancy says, then what?

one begins to experience the orgasm of the universe, he says.

if there is such a thing, nancy says.

there is if one imagines that there is, he says.

so, nancy says, it's not real?

it's as real as one might imagine it being real, he says. as real as a rock in one's pocket.

well, nancy says, that seems simple enough. i thought you said it was complicated to explain.

we haven't explained all of it yet, he says.

no? nancy says. what else is there?

there is anything else one might imagine, he says, that either is helpful or detrimental to one's progressive ability to gazorbnik.

great, nancy says. more dogma doo-doo.

it could be, he says. one may take it or leave it.

well, nancy says, i'm stuck with you so i guess i have to take it.

good, he says, because this is the part where it helps if one finds everything to be amusing.

and how is one to do that, nancy says, when there are so many terrible things happening in the world?

one finds the balance of it all in one's head, he says, where everything is mixed together with everything else in equal amounts.

isn't everything self-negated into nothing at that point? nancy says.

yes, he says. some would say that this is what nirvana is.

but that takes years of practice to attain, nancy says.

it depends on what path one decides to take, he says.

and we follow along on the pathless path, nancy says.

yes, he says. once one is on the pathless path one instantly attains nirvana.

then what? nancy says.

one is able to be amused by everything, he says. one's judgment is clear.

and we've attained this? nancy says.

as long as one continues along on the pathless path, he says, which may at times cross and even follow other paths. but as long as one does not allow oneself to get caught up in them and merely takes from them that which one might find useful then one remains on the pathless path and subsequently in nirvana.

this is getting kinda complicated, nancy says.

i told you, he says. but it amuses us to keep discussing it.

but it becomes difficult to follow, nancy says.

that's ok, he says. one picks up from it what one finds useful and forgets about the rest.

whatever one's individual and independent self decides is useful, nancy says.

besides, he says, what else is there to discuss?

many other things, nancy says.

then one may go look for those other discussions, he says. somebody's talking about something that one might find of interest or not.

everybody's talking about everything, nancy says.

we discuss all the bits and pieces of it, he says. there is a wealth of knowledge about this and that and the other thing about it all.

so, nancy says, what makes what we're talking about different? nancy says.

i am not aware of anyone talking about gazorbnik, he says.

no, nancy says, probably not.

unless i stole it from somewhere i don't remember, he says.

it could be 100% original, nancy says.

which makes us the experts, he says.

the only known world authorities on the matter of gazorbnik, nancy says.

we are them, he says.

yup, nancy says.

and he takes another toke.

so, nancy says, what makes gazorbnik different from nirvana?

nirvana is only the base camp one establishes as one then scales the mountain, he says.

it is one's foundation, nancy says.

to scale the mountain is to gazorbnik, he says.

metaphorically speaking, nancy says.

well, he says. there are theories that would hold that language itself is metaphorical.

i thought that was widely understood, nancy says.

not very much, he says. people believe in the literal truth of words.

yes, nancy says. the older they are the better.

and he thinks that there is probably a baseball game on but he doesn't feel like watching one if there is.

he lights a cigarette.

his baby is gone and he misses her.

and he wonders if he is amusing himself to death.

and if that isn't such a bad way to go.

who knows?

not him.

he just wonders about gazorbnik and what it could possibly mean that others would agree on and dig it.

what is there left to turn anyone on to?

we've tried to turn ourselves on in so many different ways.

all have either fallen into obscurity or become elite exclusive fascist clubs of rules and order one must follow in order to be admitted and belong.

the bundle of sticks mentality that has proven to be so nearly unendurable.

as most of us go about scattered among ourselves lost and confused.

lost and confused about what everything might possibly mean in this day and age of the absurd that has come upon us.

the deconstruction of it.

the end of the world as we know it.

and he feels fine – sort of.

so, he says, one finds what one is able to find. there's not much more to it than that.

that's it? nancy says.

that's it for them, he says, but not for us.

we continue, nancy says.

yes, he says. there are any number of ways we might explain this that one might find that one understands and digs.

or not, nancy says.

quite possibly not, he says.

but, nancy says, through all we might say about this and that and the other thing we are always talking about gazorbnik.

yes, he says. everything we do is part of our gazorbniking.

even the sex and violence? nancy says.

sure, he says. whatever it might be.

yeah, nancy says, we are only imagining the whole thing so what harm can it do?

it can implant ideas in people's heads, he says. that can be dangerous.

or, nancy says, it could be beneficial.

right, he says.

and he watches a couple of baseball games and falls asleep.

he wakes up and makes coffee.

he has a couple of tokes.

so, nancy says, where do we stand now?

on our own two feet on the ground right in the center of the universe, he says.

it could be worse, nancy says.

it could be better, he says.

at the apex balance point of it all, nancy says.

which gazorbnik will bring one to, he says, if one would so desire.

not everyone would, nancy says. people like the fun and excitement of an unbalanced life.

the drama of it all, he says.

the dharma drama, nancy says.

i couldn't get out of it fast enough, he says. and it took me nearly my whole life to do so.

and your life ain't over yet, nancy says.

nope, he says.

so, nancy says, is it all madness we speak of?

it may seem so to many, he says.

but does it matter if it is madness? nancy says.

madness is a socially construed construction, he says.

that is undergoing deconstruction, nancy says.

undergoing it's own madness, he says.

he goes up for more coffee.

so, nancy says, we just gonna babble on about gazorbnik from now on?

not necessarily, he says.

but what else there to talk about? nancy says.

gazorbnik is the fulfillment of all our dreams come true, he says.

wait'll the news about that gets out and around, nancy says. it will change the world.

i doubt that, he says.

it's possible, nancy says.

yes, he says, it possible but highly improbable.

only if one looks at it rationalogically, nancy says. irrationalogically it all explodes with wonder in everyone's mind who thinks of it.

but who would bother to think of it? he says. people are so busy with their lives already in progress.

all it needs is that one particle of doubt, nancy says, and then it all splits wide open.

and gazorbnik is that one particle of doubt, he says.

yes, nancy says.

and so they decide to fly back to the house by the garden where everyone is there but adam and steve.

hey, they say.

hey, him and nancy say.

you ducked out on us last night, jane says.

i was tired, he says.

well, frank says, we meet the woman in the blue dress again tonight.

ok, he says. i'll try and stay awake.

so, carla says, what have you two been up to?

talking gazorbnik, he says.

still flogging that dead horse? frank says.

why do you say that? he says.

it means nothing, frank says.

that makes it so it might mean anything, he says.

which amounts to it meaning nothing, frank says.

it'll mean something different to each person, he says.

and how does that change anything? frank says.

what do we want to change? he says.

the pain and suffering in the world, carla says, and all the frustrated anger and hatred.

that is going to occur, nancy says.

is it? jane says. how?

when gazorbnik awakens the christ within us all, nancy says.

that's pretty farfetched, frank says.

it is the dawn of a new age, nancy says.

it is the birth of a new creature on the earth, he says.

like that'll ever happen, frank says.

i would like to imagine it would, carla says.

that's all we're asking anyone to do, he says, is to imagine.

i suppose that might happen, frank says.

imagine gazorbnik, carla says.

imagine one's own paradise, he says.

is that what it means? frank says.

it could mean that, he says.

so, frank says, we all just go up inside our heads.

that's where we are anyway, he says. we might as well dig it.

but what about the world? jane says.

as he sits before the computer stumped by that question.

the world will do as it will.

it is out of our control.

the world is confusion.

he has rejected the world – except as relying on it to support him.

but many live wholeheartedly in the world for better or worse.

they are greatly amused by it.

and these folk tend to reject the those who reject the world as useless layabouts – which we are.

i don't know about the world, he says. one may take it or leave it as one will.

that's a useless answer, frank says.

it's the only answer i got, he says. all i can say is that either way one decides to go one should free their own head first.

and how does one do that? jane says.

gazorbnik, he says.

and how does one gazorbnik? frank says.

improvise and experiment, he says, until one finds whatever is to one's liking.

and suppose that involves going out on some random killing spree? frank says.

then what are we supposed to do about that? he says.

nothing, frank says.

right, he says.

but gazorbnik doesn't mean that, carla says, does it?

gazorbnik is open to mean anything, he says.

then how is anything changed? carla says.

nothing is changed, he says, except oneself in it.

and how is one changed? carla says.

we each need to imagine that for ourselves, he says.

but isn't that what everyone is already doing? carla says.

yes, he says. but to gazorbnik means to come to realize that is what one is doing and assume control of it.

and with that he realizes he is tired and goes up to lie down awhile.

and he can't sleep with all the coffee and decides to take a shower.

as he now sits before the computer continuing on with this madness of meaningless dada.

he lights a cigarette.

and he is still tired.

and he is hungry.

he decides to go up and figure out what he wants to eat.

he decides on a peanut butter and raisin sandwich.

and adam and steve return to the kitchen through the open door and sit down at the table.

hey, adam and steve say.

hey, they say.

so, adam says, what's happening?

we're defining what the fuck gazorbnik means, frank says, without much success.

what do you have so far? steve says.

that seems open to question, frank says.

i thought we were going to go see the woman in the blue dress about the spaceships, adam says.

not tonight, he says.

why not? adam says.

i don't feel up to it, he says. there'll be too many people.

you managed last night, frank says.

it comes and goes, he says. i'd just feel more comfortable staying here.

so, steve says, what about gazorbnik?

couldn't you have thought up a better word than gazorbnik? jane says. gazorbnik sounds dumb.

it's what came to me, he says. i don't choose these things.

who does choose then, nancy says, your muse?

if there is such a thing, he says.

the muse of your amusement, adam says.

whatever, he says.

we don't seem to be able to get around that with gazorbnik meaning anything that it allows us to do injury and harm to one another, frank says.

yes, steve says, that is what one gets when one opens up the possibilities.

but it's wrong, carla says. we can't condone that.

it's not a matter of condoning, steve says. it's a matter of what we can do to prevent it.

so far in our history we haven't been able to, he says.

and he goes up to poop and to take his meds.

he has a couple of tokes.

so, steve says, we are discovering that this is all meaningless dada after all.

i think that is what we originally stated, he says.

yeah, steve says, and all we've come up with is a bunch of magical thinking about how we're evolving into a new creature on the earth with the awakening of the christ within us and all that dada and that's gonna solve everything.

we don't know that won't happen, he says.

i suppose not, steve says, if we are opening ourselves up to all possibility.

which we are doing, he says. but that then brings up the very problem we are trying to resolve.

well, steve says, hoping for some brighter future isn't going to do it for anyone. we need something happening in the here and now.

gazorbnik happens in the here and now, he says.

but gazorbnik is meaningless, steve says, no matter how many meanings we may attach to it.

yes, he says, and then that means it is open to mean anything we may wish it to mean which leads to the possibility that it may mean to someone to go out and do injury and harm to people.

and that's where we're stuck, nancy says.

so what if we don't have a solution to all the world's problems, jane says. who cares?

people care, he says. but many of us have given up that there is any solution.

which so far as we know there isn't, frank says.

right, he says. it's a riddle. but i am amused by trying to unriddle it.

but everyone up till now has failed, steve says.

but they didn't have gazorbnik, he says.

and gazorbnik's gonna do it for us? steve says.

yes, he says. if we can figure out what gazorbnik should mean then we might have a solution.

but we never will, frank says. and even if we do it'll just be one more thing someone thinks is a solution to be added to all the rest.

but if it's real, he says, gazorbnik will find its way to everyone.

and how do we know if it's real or not? carla says.

well, he says, i happen to know from my own personal experience that it is real.

but to everyone you're a delusional madman, nancy says.

that shouldn't matter, he says.

but it does, nancy says. and rambling on about some made up word like gazorbnik will just confirm it with most of them.

i suppose, he says.

so, adam says, what are we to do?

keep trying to imagine what gazorbnik might mean that everyone will agree with, he says.

i think we already decided that everyone would more than likely agree that gazorbnik is meaningless, steve says.

until we tell them otherwise, he says.

tell them what? carla says.

that's what we need to come up with, he says.

well, carla says, whatever it means it should mean that everyone stops doing injury and harm to one another.

i would agree, he says.

most people would agree, carla says.

i'm not sure about that, he says. but that doesn't matter for now.

what does matter? frank says.

what matters is that people are suffering at the hands of others while we amuse ourselves, carla says.

we are doing what we can, he says.

and what is that? carla says.

we are informing the world of gazorbnik, he says.

and what happens then? carla says.

gazorbnik has the possibility of transforming each and everyone of us, he says.

into what? steve says. homogenized sheep?

into whatever we need to become in order to quit doing each other injury and harm, he says.

he has another toke.

the gods will never allow such a thing to occur, frank says. they find our ape antics to be quite amusing.

then to hell with the gods, he says. we need to banish them from us.

many will not go along with that, frank says.

then to hell with them, steve says.

that goes against my moral principles, he says.

you have moral principles? frank says.

i will not take one step into heaven if that means one other person is going to hell, he says.

yet here you are, nancy says.

that could only mean no one is going to hell, carla says.

not if i have anything to say about it, he says.

which you don't, nancy says.

this what is being written is what i have to say, he says.

as it is read and word is spread, frank says.

gazorbnik, adam says.

and the others all decide to fuck and fuck they do all over the place and each other until they cum together at once and then decide to have a pissing party and piss all over each other.

they light cigarettes after except adam.

then they all go to take showers while the cleaning robots roll out to mop up the puddles of piss on the floor as he sits smoking a cigarette.

and then the woman in the blue dress walks in through the open kitchen door.

hey, the woman in the blue dress says.

hey, he says.

i heard you were looking for me, the woman in the blue dress says.

yeah, he says. i heard you can call the spaceships.

do you want me to call one for you? the woman in the blue dress says.

sure, he says.

and they walk outside and cross over into a field where they stop in the middle and the woman in the blue dress whistles and soon a spaceship hovers over toward them and lands in the field as a ramp slides out and down it an alien wiggles with waving tentacles and many blinking eyes and comes up to them.

what do you want? the alien says with a helium squeaky voice.

i just wanted to talk to you, he says.

not sex? it says.

no, he says. no sex. i was just wondering about you, that's all.

what would you like to know? it says.

are you real? he says.

where we are from we are real, it says, but here we are imaginary.

where are you from? he says.

another place and time, it says.

and what are you doing here? he says.

observing, it says.

observing what? he says.

your evolution, it says.

is that why you abduct us? he says.

we only abduct people in their imaginations, it says.

what for? he says.

we sometimes need to observe people up close, it says.

and what about anal probes? he says.

it's the best way to study people's souls, it says.

we have souls? he says.

it's more of a matter that you are souls rather than having souls, it says.

but why not help us instead of just observing us? he says.

we do not become involved in other species evolution, it says. they either make it or they don't on their own.

and what about gazorbnik? he says.

yes, it says. that's what powers our spaceships.

i thought so, he says.

do you have any more questions? it says.

i don't think so, he says.

then i will be leaving, it says as it turns and wiggles away and back up the ramp which slides back into the spaceship which takes off whispering into the starry night to blink out and disappear.

so, the woman in the blue dress says, you didn't want to have sex with it?

no, he says. do people have sex with aliens though?

all the time, the woman in the blue dress says. that's what i'm paid to arrange.

paid by who? he says.

both, the woman in the blue dress says. but the aliens pay better.

well, he says, i don't have any money.

i've been paid already, the woman in the blue dress says as she turns and walks away as he watches her awhile before he heads back to the house by the garden where the others are back sitting around the kitchen table.

i met the woman in the blue dress, he says. she called a spaceship down for me. did you know people have sex with aliens?

i'd like to do that, steve says.

me too, adam says.

make me three, jane says.

yeah, carla and frank and nancy say.

but i asked the alien about stuff, he says.

like what? frank says.

well, he says, they're here observing our evolution and they abduct us for closer study and give us anal probes to study our souls.

where do they come from? adam says.

another place and time, he says. and they are entirely imaginary.

and they have sex with us, steve says. that doesn't sound very scientific.

no, he says.

so, frank says, the woman in the blue dress pimps for the aliens?

she says she works it both ways, he says. she pimps them for each other.

and he has another toke.

and it's getting late and he's getting tired.

he yawns.

he lights another cigarette as he sits before the computer wondering.

he yawns again.

he is so far confused by it all.

but he is enlightened by his confusion.

he has brought himself here now through by the unrelenting faith in his doubt.

and it's whatever he might care to imagine that it is.

this is his madness.

this is all he can do.

the world is quite beyond him.

he trusts few in it.

he trusts the state they've created.

the state has been good to him while everyone else turned their backs.

he'll miss it when it's gone.

he is the sacrificial goat driven out into this wilderness of mind so that the others might find peace.

but look at them in constant war among each other and themselves.

what sacrifice was this?

only in a meaningless universe does this make any sense.

gazorbnik.

to make sense in a meaningless universe.

to put it together how one imagines it ought to be.

and try to do as little harm to others as one can get away with.

and try to tolerate them and their transgressions.

and try to find one's paradise.

that walled garden where everything that can be imagined is possible.

anything from anywhere along any and all of the spectrums of duality within and without us.

it's beginning to smell like dogma-doo-doo again, steve says.

it will all be enforced when we take over after our revolution, he says.

that's what everybody is imagining for themselves and their own scheme of things, steve says.

yeah, frank says, what makes us any different?

we have gazorbnik, he says, which will carry the day for us.

how so? adam says.

while everyone is fighting at the gates, he says, we walk in the backdoor out of a hat.

imagine that, nancy says.

and who are we? frank says.

we are them, steve says.

long may our flag fly burning in the field of flags, nancy says.

waving our freak flag high, he says.

all the freaks of every stripe and hue, carla says.

and who is not a freak? steve says.

or who does not feel that they are a freak? frank says.

freaks along the spectrum of society, nancy says.

but it's those who are collective freaks are the ones we need to watch out for, steve says.

and there are mobs of them everywhere, jane says.

and he decides to go up to bed.

(to be continued...)