and as he looks out on all these people as he sees himself become as one of them as he can speak nothing against them.
    the dada-ananda. the puppet master. the dancer within our hearts. how do we know the dada-ananda? how do we know ourselves? the conspiracy of madness. logic corrupted by itself. the breakdown of form. souls betrayed.
    and he sits here writing. he listens to the montage of conversations around him. he has become the fool. he has lost himself from them and found himself in a wilderness.
    a piece of alienation.
    to be alienated. to be divided from. removed. to remove oneself from others or to be removed from them. wanting. not wanting.
    as he was trying to explain. as the dada-ananda was reading over his shoulder thusly where and when we met alone here and now. as the dada-ananda was and is with him. as we are undivided - unremoved.
    and a part of him wrote: there are different states of alienation - when one feels apart from others. this can be a choice, although a forced one, for one to remove oneself from not having anything to do with others nor having contact with them when this causes confusion and pain. or it can be decided by the others to keep this person removed from them for similar reasons of their own. this alienation is one of frustration. it is negative alienation. yet if and when one can meet one's own desires, needs and wants by oneself which involves no longer needing the others to fulfill them and is satisfied with that then one enters a state of positive alienation. one is at one's leisure without any demand either by oneself or another. there are no judgments or obligations. there is no past nor future. no expectations. one is alienated from the rituals of social contact. one is free.

    an idea. an idea from space. space and time. here and now.
    nevermind.
    calling out the names. is your name being called? do you hear it? do you feel it? come to us now. come to us here and now. don't you see what it is that is around you? or will you continue to believe what others tell you that it is? a horrible terrible world of frustration, oppression, alienation and that dada.
    we praise dada. dada is us. without dada we would not exist. we exist to oppose dada. we exist to exterminate dada. dada will never be exterminated. dada will subversively rule the world forever. we must be exterminated in the name of dada. we cannot live without dada. dada cannot live without us. dada must die. dada is old. dada survives by never being old. dada is everything that is new. dada is extinct. dada is lies that speak truth. open your mouths and speak. speak dada. tell us you know nothing of dada. we know nothing of dada. dada cannot be known. that is how we know dada.
    forget dada. dada is a waste of time. it is it. it is the thing itself. the being of the thing itself. the conclusion of logic. logic never fails. goose-step. the iron fist. the faggot. the nevermind of it all coming and going.
    forget.
    forget and remember.
    all is good. we desire evil. we desire evil so we will have something to fear. we need to fear. fear dada. dada fears you. that is what it seems. the human fear of evil. the human evil of fear. the human need to fear. to name what we fear as being evil.
    how delightfully absurd.
    fuck the human. we are no longer human. if you are human we will lose you. we have lost you. this is the mission of our alienation. we have lost you and your desire and need to fear evil that you are unwilling to give up in order to become other than human.
    oh well, that's your problem not ours. not no more. never was. never will be.
    and we play into it. you are and have been so easy to control. a picnic. in the shade. fear itself. fear in all its evil forms. always something lurking outside in the dark. something glimpsed coming out of or going into the shadows. your blind spot while you remain huddled in your light right where we can keep our eye on you. our eye of darkness absorbing all information. you have surrendered yourselves to us. you spend all your waking existence controlled by your fear. the unknown. your unknown unnamed fear. and it's nothing. everything you fear is nothing. the fear itself. and your unwillingness to let go of it.

    back. forward. to a beginning without an ending. lots of laughs. when it's all the same and doesn't mean shit to a tree. stand at the center of it and watch the madness spin itself around you. light playing. faces smiling or frowning. life and death. no one else knows what any of these things mean. what things? watch them fall from zero to zero with infinity in-between everything and nothing. simple equations formulating themselves into complex situations. understanding.
    and a story about it. a story of images and reflections moving among liquid mirrors. the mirrors being the source and the result of the images and reflections.
    dream on dreaming.
    forms and formulations of forms.

    and he sat at the table. was he a reflection of an image or a source of an image? did he think about this? space. he was in space. time. he was in time. an expression of. the perception of the expression of. the expression of it as it was perceived.
    it begins here and now if it begins anywhere. begin it. even if it means we begin it again. we can do that, can't we? we can not only begin it anywhere at any time we want but we can begin it as many times as we want to. we decide this. we can begin it always beginning it. not one beginning but all beginning. all beginning always. if one looks for eternity one should begin here now - right?
    we don't know. we're not studied and learned and taught in such things. it seems that there must be something wrong with thinking it's that easy and simple. we're sure someone could come along and explain to us how complex and impossible it is. these are the mysteries. this is the knowledge only allowed to gods above us. we are dumb humans wallowing in ignorance. we cannot speak for ourselves. it must be approved. it must be agreed upon by higher authority and those who serve that authority.
    we do not seek your approval. we do not seek your agreement. we are wrong and will be wrong forever. we are wrong so you can wave your flags above your heads and be right. we salute you and your glory.
    we seek ourselves. we find ourselves by not being you. we will die for you as ourselves so you may live on as someone else. we are them.
    and you don't understand. this confuses you. you cannot follow it or us following it. our irrationality confuses you. any way you look at it it confuses you. we are telling you a story - a story of lies. and you don't know and can't understand where and when it begins.
    it begins with you. it begins with your confusion as to where and when it begins. it begins all around you and you can't see it beginning. you keep your eyes closed to it beginning. it means nothing to you. and it means nothing to you that it means nothing to you. you are incapable of thinking about it at all whether understanding or not. the mere thought of it confuses you. this is where and when it begins. and we can tell you this point blank and you still don't understand it because you think it means something else which it doesn't because it means nothing to you.
    it means everything to us. we see everything where you see nothing and in this way we are able to run rings around you running rings around yourselves. and you have no idea about who we are. your mighty armies are useless against us because you do not know what direction to send them. you haven't a clue. we have you surrounded as you have us surrounded as you have each other surrounded. only we know who you are. you are obvious. you make yourselves widely known.
    we play both ends against the middle and the middle against both ends. we are everybody's friend and enemy both. there is no one we cannot be and no one who cannot be one of us. even you. do you know if you are one of us? do you know whether we have turned you against yourself? why do you do all the self-destructive things you do?
    dream on dreaming. dream on dreaming of us as we dream on dreaming of you. and your dreams turn into nightmares of fear. fear of us. why do you fear us? who do you think we are? we are only someone who is out to get you.

    and he doesn't know if he writes any of this for anyone but himself to ease his own fear - or to command it. to realize fear is within his control to use it as he wishes.
    everything you think about him is right. who is he against you? his darkness against your light is nothing. you penetrate. you are everything.
    and the dada-ananda comes to him. the dada-ananda comes to us all. frustration. ignorance. the constant struggle between what is desired and what is feared. words. nothing but words. words that signify our confusion. perception on/off. the closets that hold everything we are that we don't want to acknowledge. our love. our undying love for one another. if...
    what demands we make and impose on each other that deny our love. anything to deny what we really feel. all the anger and hatred we put on. how real is any of it? how real are ourselves? how real is anything around us?
    and what does he deny about himself? what does he feel? do we care? do we have time to care? should we if we did?
    he'll use you to get what he wants. he'll play upon your desires and fears to confuse you so that he can take what he wants from you.
    and what is that? what does he want that you will not freely give him? you'd rather die first. and what do you want from him that he will not freely give you? he'd rather die first.
    surrender. neither of us will surrender to the other. confession of crimes either of us have committed. no. never. we'd both rather die first. and the both of us will. that's what we're here to insure. that's the plan. that's the theory of the plan. that's what the project is all about. it's part of the game. and there's no way out. only you can stop it. and you won't. you will not stop the war you fight against yourselves unless you win. we are here to destroy all of you by getting you to destroy yourselves. easy as pie. pi. pie in the sky. full circle of completion that will bring down your continuing empires. the human race on its knees.
    and what then? what when you've used every bit of energy and used every resource to destroy one another in a war to the death. to die first rather than surrender and confess. when there is no one to surrender or confess to and nothing to surrender for or confess to other than death. when death is all there is and all there ever has been and will be. when you are defeated and accused by no one but yourselves. when the illusions you've held in your minds about who and what the other is and when the truth you've taken for granted for support and fought to defend turns out to be a ghost of death.
    death is your god and god is a cartoon. death is the sacrifice of our lives. we consume death with every mouthful. death lives through us. we are living breathing death.
    death is death. it is not something dressed up for halloween to frighten us. death is an everyday fact moment by moment of our lives. those who divide death from life fool no one but themselves. either way neither is more real than the other.
    both life and death are existence. in life existence is awakened. in death existence sleeps.
    on/off.
    to existence, life is just another day. and some days are better than others. and existence sleeps when day is done and it is tired or if there is nothing to do and it is bored. no more and no less than that. zoom in. zoom out. flip it one way and flip it the other.
    we are not those of life and death. we have seen both come and go while we remain. we are those of existence. as such you cannot reach us or touch us with either your lives or your death. these are our amusement - a comedy of errors.
    and those who are still trapped in the confines of what comes and goes and who come and go with it we feel pity and sorrow but we can do nothing for them that they cannot do for themselves. they continue to chase what is constantly gained and lost and lost and gained. that is the drama we have set them in. and we exist in it among them. we disguise ourselves as anyone. we play along in it. we know the rules. we know the game. and we laugh to ourselves at how seriously they all take it.

    and somehow in another space and time he wakes up sitting beneath the tree again. they stand around him.
    you've been sleeping again, one of them says to him.
    yeah - so?
    nothing is done, another says. they are many mouths of one voice.
    i don't want to go into this again. it's the same thing everywhere. i'm out of it. i will have no more to do with anything on any level. this has gone on too far. i don't think this is what i had in mind.
    maybe what it is is not for you to say.
    yes. i can see that. isn't that what i've been saying? i agree. but you keep coming back to me and wanting me to be part of it. yet you never clearly state what you want me to do - except maybe take the blame for everything that's fucked up. if that's what you need me for you can forget it. that's why i'm staying out of it. i don't want to fuck anything up more than i have already. so go away and leave me alone.
    that is not what we need you for.
    what then?
    we want you to participate in it - enjoy yourself.
    enjoy myself doing what?
    whatever you want.
    what if what i want to do is to go through it and point out everything that's wrong with it?
    well, maybe that is what you should do. it's not perfect. we know that. we'll change what we can.
    but i don't want to do that. why should i? it is perfect. it's perfect for you. i cannot tell you what to change about it that you can't already see for yourselves - or should be able to. if you see nothing wrong then there is nothing wrong. i trust your judgment better than my own. that's what i created you for to do what i couldn't or didn't want to do for myself. i am nothing. you are something. you are everything. my part is to stay out of it.
    if that is what you want.
    i have no choice - or no choice that i am willing to make. you make the choices for me. i lack the ability to decide. it all looks the same to me. it's all 50/50. chance. the element of unknowing. the choice left to the other. you are the others to me. i leave it to you. if i make one choice, if i take one action, i will not stop until i have taken command of it all. then i am left with what i started with - myself and nothing. i do not want that.
    but you have acted. you have made choices.
    yes. but only when i see the probability of one of you doing the same thing i would. when i see the scales tipping too far one way i throw something into it. i never allow it to find perfect balance. that is what i would do if i were to fully act on it. but once in perfect balance it would all stop and cease to exist as it only exists to seek perfect balance. once perfect balance is achieved it would have no more purpose.
    so we will never reach it? we will never get it right?
    not as far as i will allow you to. that is why i created so many of you so you would always be disagreeing and fighting among yourselves. that is how it keeps continuing. and i will continue being amused by it and you. after i am gone if you want to restore it to perfect balance then go ahead. but i think you'll find that that isn't any fun at all.

    and it ends. an ending. that is what we seek - and ending to this - is it not? what it is cannot be divided from itself. it cannot be dissected without killing it first. ending it. and one part cannot be removed from the other as both and each function to make up the whole. good and evil are symbiotic. health and disease are symbiotic. life and death are symbiotic.
    the present system we are under is one that divides. one that chooses between one and the other. chooses between good and evil, health and disease, life and death. what it perceives in relation to its own survival as being this and that. we all do this. everything does this. everything that struggles to survive against the other. this is the system. this is the system we have developed in spite of ourselves - because of ourselves. the system of one opposed to the other.
    down with the system.

    phase #82
    a flower. a drumbeat.
    the cycles of knowing unexplained. down with the system. bring the towers down. the rubble scattered until someone comes to build it all up again.
    people caught in circles turning in and around and through one another.
    and to be a messiah in this overcrowded madhouse. to reach an understanding that can be explained to one other person - if even that. some select group of those in agreement of how everything should be. promotion. find the lowest common denominator and sell it. to the victors go the spoils. how low can you go? how much authority can you convince them that you have and how much power can you muster to back it up? you can get away with anything if you want to. there are no rules except the rules of the system. those rules are primary. they hold no matter who is in charge. and if you want something done you need the system to do it even if you have to tear the system down. it's ok. the system has survived that before. that's what the system is for. it's flexible. one size fits all.
    kill it. simplify. to figure it out. to conquer and divide. break it down into its component parts and decide which ones are needed and which ones are not. and with what do we replace the ones not needed to get the whole thing working again? to play the player piano game. who offers that sacrifice of themselves? - to not be needed.
    we do. look no further. scapegoat inc. at your service. there's one of us born every minute. that is who and what we are.
    as the wheels of the machine that supports all of us turn themselves and us with them around in circles. when the cycle of the system breaking down comes around again. and again. look out below. pie in our face. and it all gives way beneath our feet and what has held us above the hell we wished on others - anyone but ourselves - collapses and we are greeted by our fears.
    it's time you know.
    it's time you understand.
    but we've been through this more than a thousand times before. we should be used to it. it shouldn't be any big deal. but we hold on so tight until it breaks and we have nowhere else to go.
    the overall scheme of things. those for and against the system being symbiotic parts of the whole system itself. and on and on like that without either realizing how much an integral part of the system the other is that makes possible their own existence as the opposing integral part. two gears in the same machine. one turning this way. one turning that way. and to those in-between those two it's all just changes in the weather. the wind blowing through their hair. a dozen reasons. six of one and a half dozen of the other. enjoy the view from the fine line where all the edges meet in space and time and in mind.
    spoken. dreamed of. concrete. as though it might happen. and to see the hardline and those of the hardline. those who stick to the path. he doesn't know where it begins or ends. somewhere around here, he supposes. just another song. just another prayer to unknown elements without a trace - what is not open. what of it? the bliss of the disease. dada-ananda. to realize that we begin and end everything. broken in two. that's where and when it begins and ends. nothing much more to it than that. and to those who look for beginning and to those who look for ending, this is where and when it is. where it breaks. when it no longer repeats. the latest discovery. the newest pain. the disguise. what is common to us all as who and what we are. nothing and everything. he goes on repeating that. maybe trying to convince himself more than anyone else.
    let it begin.
    let it end.
    let it be good.
    let it be evil.
    let it be all things everywhere.

    he is done. all he has become and all he has realized is nothing. and he's glad to be done with it. he is the incarnated embodiment of the system. down with the system. down with him. he volunteers to surrender and lose the war. he will don the disguise of any monster they need him to be - if this frees them. if this lets them live once more. that is what he demands of them in exchange - not if they continue to wallow in misery. he will not sacrifice himself for that. they must be happy. the death of himself will be for nothing if they are not happy - if they do not celebrate and dance on his grave.
    and he's seen them do this before. he sees how it works. he sees how it begins and ends. but one monster's death is not enough for them. they continue to conjure up more to feed this monster killing fix. he will gather them all to him and become each and every one. he will take them with him. he will love them as he loves himself. he will take these monsters away from them. he will hide away in a world where only monsters live. monsters like him. because they cannot live with us, though he has his doubts as to whether they can live without us. hunting down monsters has pretty much been the motive and justification for everything they do and gives meaning to their lives. so what exactly will they do without us? live happily ever after? get real. they'll make monsters of one another to feed their craving for monsters while we who have lived our lives among them and have seen who they really are inside behind the masks they wear will be the ones who... who what? he doesn't know. who cares? nevermind. it's the way it comes and goes. we all play villain and victim to one another stumbling around in our confusion. he's not impressed by any of it. he's not impressed by them or you or anyone else. he's not impressed by himself. who else is there?
    we are so confused by everything. or maybe not. fucking monkeys up in trees as far as the eye can see. the eye that's always watching us from inside our heads. and there's no place we can go to get away from it except into our heads and poke it out. zero into it. and we've told them this before but they don't believe it. they never will believe it. they'd rather believe that it's something outside of themselves that they need to attack and defend themselves against. when it's them. it's only them. but they believe it's some other them and we are them. and if they want to believe it's us, we'll let them. it's ok. we have nothing against them except all that they have against us.
    forget it.
    remember it.
    nevermind.

    his heart beats. it's all the same. it comes and goes. the song of blood flowing. bleeding. life and death bleeding. what was once and is no more. not exactly the same but still the same not being exactly the same.
    a friend of his shot herself in the head. so he was told. soon everyone he knows will be dead, and him too. we leave the world as it is unchanged.
    diamond. circustowns. cows in the field. he could write about anything and it would be the same as anything else as being different. he's gotten himself out of it. he doesn't get what all the noise is about. he supposes he would feel different if he were someone else. telephones. something about love - whatever that is. maybe sometime he was writing about that. maybe not. maybe he was writing about hatred. it doesn't make any difference either way to him. they both seem the same as he slips down the middle. or maybe not. this is nonsense. it still comes and goes. it's the same. can you imagine that? can you imagine anything? what do you imagine? what do you imagine is real? anything you might imagine.
    and these people he doesn't understand what they mean or what they want though he understands them all to well. that's what he doesn't understand. he doesn't understand how he can understand them and not understand them at the same time. do they understand themselves? their confusion. do they understand their confusion? are they confused? they make money enough usually to live on. they seem to continue to live at any rate. he doesn't understand why. most of them don't seem to want to but they feel they have to. given no other choice. if given another choice would they keep on living? a choice between living and what? what else but death that they don't understand and fear?
    a lot of noise. forgotten and remembered.

    and it was something else again. another thought of nothing though there was a lot involved in it. one of those days. one of those lifetimes. not too much hurry, or maybe there is. gotta mesh in with those gears turning. gotta crank. gotta be who they expect you to be or not to be.. too much of one and not enough of the other. fuck and double-fuck. one thing on our minds no matter how the other half pretend it's the last thing they think of. the beast with the whore riding on its back any which way it goes or is turned around. popular thinking and, of course, the opposition to it. opposition to anything popular. popular opposition. x=x. everything unknown is the same as any other unknown and since everything is unknown at this point then what the fuck?
    ok? got it? sit down, shut up and wait for it. upside the head. in one ear and out the eyeball. we tell you nothing you don't already know and what you aren't already confused by in sweet ignorant bliss as it drifts by in a dream.
    are we for dreams or against dreams?
    give me ignorance or give me death! shouts the everyman/woman stamping his/her feet and waving his/her fists. shout at the sky. shout against this mighty god until it falls from grace as we have. take away its magic show tricks. take away its promises. take away its voice of judgment.
    god joins us at the cafe. it's getting crowded here. rumor has it they're going to start charging for refills. get the bums out. they scare off the paying customers. those who live for money to burn. but that's something else.
    shit, says god.
    what's wrong? jesus asks.
    i think i'm dead.
    you get used to it, jesus grins, you just get to hang out. nobody expects nothing from you. have a cigarette.
    god lights up, takes and drag and coughs. uck - you gotta be kidding. what's the big deal about these things?
    it keeps your hands busy while you're sitting around doing nothing. keeps you from strangling people for being so stupid.
    god looks around. yeah, it says, i see what you mean. it takes another drag and smiles. this isn't so bad. it looks out the window. could be worse. we could be in hell along with those other fools out there. how do they keep from blowing their brains out?
    you gave them will to survive, remember?
    oh yeah - hmm... it seemed like a good idea at the time. my mistake, i guess.
    nobody's perfect.
    no fucking kidding. tell me about it. you try being in a position where you're supposed to be and you get no end of shit if you're not. try to get these intelligent baboons to think for themselves and the first thing they think is what an asshole you are. fuck 'em. fuck 'em all. i've had it. i'm glad they think i'm dead. let someone else have that job. let someone else have a stab at it. i'll just sit here and see what their committees can do with it besides hold meetings to discuss how fucked up everything is. ha! it's all bullshit. the last thing i should have done was to let them invent language. they've been going downhill ever since. made 'em think that they knew something just because they could repeat noises at each other. craziest thing i ever saw. but i had no choice. i tied my own hands giving them free will.
    well, maybe it's not all that bad. they're still here. they haven't wiped themselves out yet.
    yet.
    well, yeah. but some will survive what's coming. get the numbers down and maybe they'll be easier to work with. there's too many of them now all competing and trying to survive and killing each other. you can't blame them for what they do. it's their nature.
    it won't make any difference. they've always been this way. i don't see anything changing.
    well maybe. i can understand how you feel. it's frustrating. but i still believe that they'll figure it out.
    you always were a dreamer.
    well, it's too late now. we're both out of it. now we can only watch and wait.
    and the ghost does its dance around the table and the other tables as well. all the tables where people talk to each other. the ghost takes one thing and fits it into another. the ghost can go through anything and find what's hidden in it and bring it out. what else are ghosts for?
    a host of ghosts in and out of our minds. no one sees and no one knows.

    and with the new revolutionary government now in place.
    just a couple of guys sitting in the corner with bad attitudes, he said, maybe we need some counseling.
    yeah, said mij, we need to be interred in a bootcamp.
    some guy telling us to get down and give him 50.
    that's when you know what freedom's about.
    when you have to fight for it.
    when you lose all your freedom is when you know what freedom is.
    with the new revolutionary government now firmly established. anyone who does not share the wealth will be shot. anyone who denies or impedes power to the people will be shot.
    shot.
    no questions asked.
    we're done asking questions.
    now we demand answers.

    anarchy and the state of. do what you want. express what you feel. free. freedom. the prison gates are open. go for it.
    well, says joe bob, me and betty sue here wanna settle down and have all these people do all our work for us. me and some other guys got some guns stashed away and there's this prime farmland we've been looking at. live in a big house. raise a bunch of kids. yeah, that's freedom alright. goddamn.
    you can't do that, the spokesperson for the new revolutionary government says. this is anarchy not feudalism.
    what the fuck's the difference? betty sue squeaks. try to stop us, asshole. impede our freedom and we'll have you shot. as it is there's work to be done and you look like you could use some fresh air and exercise. so, get moving, sucker.
    and so began world war 6, or was it 9? it was so long ago. time and memory fading. so many things we don't understand about who we used to be. let it go. fly fly away. the gates of the city are open to all who are confused by the burning issues of the day who figured out everything they know is wrong. can't tell the acs from the dcs. welcome to the future. the space ships to neptune are now boarding. meet you at the station. don't need no ticket, you just get on board. put your one foot up. put your other foot up. put your other foot up and you're on your way. look down and wave good-bye.
    by and by. so long it goes. cloudy mind. a drift of logic. merrily down the stream of consciousness. just a dream. wake up to the dream. wave good-bye to the schuck and jive of the carney hustlers running this town taking it for all it's worth. shell game. maze of mirrors. the haunted houses. enough cotton candy and corndogs to make you puke. puke it up. don't swallow it. walk away. forget the money you lost. forget the bills you can't pay. forget it. it ain't worth the trouble fighting to get it back. working on maggie's farm for the masters of the co-operative. co-operate or they'll have you shot.
    wave good-bye and step into the night where the moon and stars will guide you back to yourself. back home again like nowhere. to sit beneath a tree in a garden and laugh your fool head off. what else are you breaking your back and spinning your brain for? figure it out. get lost. go fly a kite. take a long walk off a short pier. take a hint. pick up a clue. get real. get serious. get a life. or die with the rest over who gets the fraction left over. fighting forever. and who gets to divide up the spoils of war for services rendered.

    and something over and done with. a telephone call. you know how those things can go. all you've gritted your teeth about turns out to be another piece of cake in a lifetime of cake. if you play it right. if it's in the cards - even though you're not playing with a full deck. the time and the place sometimes. who can tell? he doesn't know. we don't know. as as far as we can tell, you don't know neither.
    get up and dance through it and it through your wild free hair. a steady diet. cosmic rays flashing in your eyes. sounds too simple. sounds too imaginary. it's the only thing to him with people talking nonsense in his face and he can only reply in kind. he can see it on their faces. they don't understand nothing he's babbling about. shut up and dance. forget it. lay it down behind you. he'll show you his if your show him yours. nevermind. sit back in your easy chair with a good book or in front of the tv or listening to music going around and around in a groove or discussing the burning issues of the day or whatever. be glad it's not you who's on the line. be glad it's not you who's gone mad into your mind - or have you? who can tell?
    or lean to the left. lean to the right. stand up. sit down. fight fight fight. the struggle continues as always. and the same cheer can be heard coming from the bleachers on the other side of the field where the soldiers of freedom and good wearing different colored uniforms battle it out and the camera zooms in on the pretty faces in the crowd.
    and how do we get out of this? does anybody want to? the villains. the heroes. the cheering crowds. what's going on here?
    and a lesson is learned. salute the flag. pick any flag you want to but be sure to pick one and salute it. salute it every day even if it's a different one each time. if we catch you not saluting a flag we will have you taken out and shot.
    dada. ego twins. twist and turn. shake it up and shake it down. don't look back. don't look ahead.
    dogma. every idea reaches a dogma threshold. once new and praised as radical and revolutionary, it eventually blows away in the wind down the streets after plastered on billboards and used to sell every product imaginable.
    money.
    love makes the world go around if it can make money for everyone doing so. anything can make the world go around. dogshit can make the world go around if it's packaged and marketed right. what else is new. old as the hills.
    so tell us about this new idea of yours and we'll march along with you as long as you can tell us something we don't already know or sit down with us before you leave and tell us a story. but we somehow feel we've heard your stories before in other variations. those that you are willing to tell us anyway. no one tells secrets, especially secrets they keep from themselves.
    and what stories can we tell you that you haven't already heard before? and what secrets? would you like to know? we do know secrets you don't know. and one of the secrets we know is that we know your secrets. and this is a secret we can tell you because you won't believe us and you will think it's only a story told by fools. so it remains a secret. a secret told in a story. a story told many times over and over and you refuse to believe it. and this is how we control you. this is how we have been controlling you. you do know we have been controlling you, don't you? you do know that someone has been controlling you - right?
    subject. a subject of a story. object. objectifying. the nonpresense and silence of the subject. what is known of this subject? what is told of what is known of this subject? from the subjective. the subjective sense of the author. the authorized subjectivity. he as author. what he knows. what he tells of what he knows. them as subject. you as subject. subjects as objects. subjective objectivity. the subject of the story.
    mix it up.
    and he would like to write something along the lines of truth - that old fashioned thing. now everything is theory. something about them. something about you. not as subject. not subjective. and there's no way in hell. not in this world.
    and so what is reveled here? what is something along the lines of truth - the theory of truth. a fat chance. a flying fuck at the moon.
    me, myself and i and even that becomes subjective.
    he wishes.
    he dreams.
    he thinks.
    he imagines.
    subject.
    object.
    flip/flop.
    on/off.
    yes/no.
    maybe.
    identification with subject.
    identification with object.
    subjectify
    objectify.
    he laughs.

    a room underground. a basement maybe. no, it is a basement. a sub-basement. a study of the subject. one of them? you? whoever. not him. not him this time. he is not the subject. he is the author of the subject. he authorizes this. but as you read this he becomes the subject again. you become the author. the author of your perception and your intrepretion of what is written - what the subject writes. as you read this he is non-present and silent. how this non-presense and silence came about is not or should not be your concern. is he home watching tv or taking a nap? is he in the cafe drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes? is he gazing out the window? is he writing in his notebook or typing into his computer more riddles for you to read after this? is he alive or dead? is he in a hospital gasping for breath or in a prison or workcamp? has he been hit by a truck or a bus? has he put a bullet in his brain? has he fallen into a catatonic state? has he reached nirvana? has he been cast into the fires of hell? is he wavering on the astral plane waiting for rebirth? is he sitting under a tree in a garden? has he vanished into oblivion?
    whatever. none of that is important. what is important to you is his non-presence and silence. this is mandatory to your reading this that is written. this is how you know him. this is all you want to know. he is your subject.
    but before that you are his. you are the subject. the subject in this sub-basement. gray light. he has you here and he won't let you go. but you may escape. escape is easy. it's as easy as turning your eyes away.
    and the question is why?
    why not?
    push the button.
    pull the trigger.
    cancel it out.
    don't answer that.
    because.

    understanding.
    revenge.
    logic.
    inspiration.
    he looks out the window.
    should i give this up? he asks himself and his shadow.
    jokingly.
    a joke.
    why?
    why not?
    because.
    he can feel the cold circle on his temple where the gun barrel touches his skin. a kiss. it's always there. he can always feel it. that's what keeps him writing.
    he can't give up. right or wrong, he can't give up. not yet.
    a 20+ year long suicide note written in over 100 notebooks and counting. some typed into his computer. big deal. burn it all. funeral pyre. forget this.
    he could forget this if he could remember something else. there seems to be something else he should remember. something that would fit this all into place.
    yes/no.
    on/off.
    this/that and the other thing.

    and another thing furthermore to continue...
    why?
    because.
    because why?
    because i said so.
    why?
    shut up.
    why?
    bang!
    why not?
    because.
    because why not?
    click.

    if memory serves him well. the thought unspoken. the declaration of faith - of doubt. compulsion. divine logic. magick words. understanding. meek. obedient. inherit. dogma. milky white. blood. keyboard. push the buttons. kingdom come.
    evil.
    evil.
    evil.
    destroy all that is evil. at all costs.
    the city awakens during the night. moving shadows outside the windows. sounds. noises. the dead arisen. spaceships. the dance. the feast. no prisoners. no survivors. time. tick-tock rhythm. marching. the aum of quartz precision vibration. the toll of the doomed.
    masters.
    slaves.
    all is ready. come to us now. the sun. the moon. the planets and the stars. the gravity of the situation. war rooms. stations. red lights flash.
    he stands outside. he calls for you now. deliver them to him all who you cast aside on your way to heaven. he catches them as they are thrown from the towers. babbling idiots all. screaming babies. children of the damned. the parade of orphans. around and around we go.
    he stands in the eye of  the raging storm about him. he hides in the closet. he is a spy. he sees you. he knows you. your secret fears. your secret desires. safe with him. you have trusted him. are you that foolish? you have whispered to him what he needs to know to destroy you. he has your confession. your list of crimes against your own humanity. and this is how he will set you free.
    who is he?
    he has screamed this question more than a thousand times and none of you have answered him. nothing in your books of knowledge defines him - limits him. he can be anyone - anything. and now that you have killed your god he claims you as his. he is oblivion. let him embrace you. look at him. the light is too bright. it revels too much for you to comprehend. turn to him in the shadow of yourself. his darkness welcomes you. imagine the possibilities.
    this is where he is. this is his voice that seeks you. the voice of your own mind. he calls your name to return.
    the forest.
    the origin of the dream.
    nothing.
    nothing and no one.
    the here and now of a paradise forgotten. we perceive ourselves as fallen and needing to ascend once more. the power. the glory. let fools pursue them. let us wait here. let us be ourselves who we are recognizing each other without the illusions of expectations and disappointments. let us hold in our hands what those who claim to be our masters can only promise.
    look at them all who rule or would rule the world. look at ourselves. is this what you want? is this all that you feel you deserve? is it all you think there is? look again. nothing changes from day to day except the trappings of the design. the machine that binds us that we build and maintain.
    nevermind.
    drift away. go back to sleep. dreams.
    another story we have forgotten still to tell you. our madness overwhelms us. we amuse ourselves along the way with wild imaginings until someone puts a bullet in our heads. as fantasy you may be willing to go along. but as possibility, you laugh and turn back.
    who do you really laugh at and where do you return? look again. your world. your reality. we have left both behind. we passed through them in a blink of an eye without noticing. you are so quick with judgments and so long to change them once they are made.

    8/7
    lunchtime at the construction site. the guys on the crew bite at their sandwiches. and this is an important factor that must be considered now that we are considering everything.
    are they stupid?
                  ignorant?
                  evil?
    don't look too close.
    and what about this couple who comes out of the bicycle shop on the corner peddling away on their ill-gotten gains? and whoever it was who ran the machine that filled the ink cartridge of his pen. and the farmer who hooked up the cows to bring him cream for his coffee. and the artist whose sketches hang on the cafe walls. and the server who refills his cup. does he trust and believe her smile? what's she hiding? what inhuman crimes has she participated in? where does all the money go? what does it really pay for? who does it pay off to keep silent?
    there's two cops. no question there in many people's mind. stupid. ignorant. evil. or the guy they're now questioning. the same? wait a minute - are we becoming confused yet? stupid ignorant evil people doing harm to other stupid ignorant evil people. what goes on? one would think they'd all be on the same side with so much in common. but that doesn't seem to be the case. there's something different.
    strange.
    different and strange. that explains nothing. we theorize now on the combination of different and strange - and throw in unknown as well.
    but there's this guy who comes in. medium blue t-shirt. sun glasses. sits in non-smoking. he's up to something. a spy perhaps.
    cats. one cat. two cats. three cats. a theory about cats. some mix up. keys to the future ground on the ancient grindstone. watch out for your nose. never can tell. a reflection. the devil's dance. peaking. a light fantastic. keep track of the time. what is left unspoken as you leave him. imagine. a face of secrets. you're off to the war again. he feels sad. he lets you go.
    was it that many years ago? do you remember? we sat here in the garden together. touching. we felt no beginning to ourselves and saw no ending. that's where and when he waits for you. he knows it was you. you did not believe it was him. your belief in the flesh and the finite attached mind overcame you and back into this world you went. he sees you still. you don't see him. he sees the veils over your once clear and sparking eyes. you act and talk now like someone with a gun to their head. one wrong move. one wrong word. bang! you're insane.
    you'd rather be dead. death is not what frightens you. it's your own mind. laing's psychophobia. different and strange and unknown.
    one sure way to know you're insane -
    picture the person closest to you. someone who's never failed you before, who always comes through for you in times of trouble. now imagine this person saying this - you know i'm you're friend. you know i care about you. but now, i don't know what to say or do. i don't understand. i hate to see you this way. let me know when you have your shit together. good-bye.
    and that's it. they're the last in a long line of people who have said this to you - most not as gently. doors slammed in your face. threats of arrest. and now here you are. nevermind the official diagnosis. it's a small detail. you didn't believe it anyway.
    you're insane.
    and nothing has changed. you feel perfectly normal. sure maybe somewhat pissed off or depressed but who wouldn't be with all these people blowing you off? no explanation. there is nothing you can ask to be forgiven for. nothing you can correct. you're just told to leave. it could be your breath for all you know. no one tells you. they act like they shouldn't have to tell you. it's so obvious to them, why shouldn't it be obvious to you? just go away. they're tired of dealing with you. you've exhausted them and now they're getting angry. they won't tolerate your behavior anymore.
    what behavior?
    i'm tired of having to explain it to you, they reply. don't argue with me. just go away, you embarrass me.
    and now here you are with us in a world of robot machine people. welcome. now do you see who we are? a nod and a wink flash out in a crowd of false faces expressing appropriate programmed responses to static situations. your mask fell off. that's what happened, you know. that's why you frighten everyone so. and they've put on their armor against you. you've become real in a world of illusion.
    now you know who you are. now you know who we are. give us a nod and a wink. we won't be embarrassed. we'd be delighted. one more to our growing numbers.
    gotta be insane - insane to survive in a world gone mad. a world turned in on itself. they're frantically trying to patch it up and make last minute changes and adjustments. no fucking way in hell they're gonna turn this back. it's all too old. you have to be insane to be forever young. child mind free from the convolutions involved.
    so it goes.
    nutsville. the rapture of insanity. the tightwire walkers over the riots in the streets. no one comes near you. you've got a disease they don't want to catch. just smile and give them a nod and a wink and watch them run like they've seen a ghost. you've become a ghost to them. you're as good as dead.
    that's what you've become. no identity. nothing to say that anyone wants to hear. a shadow. a breeze. invisible.
    you're insane. hold onto that. don't let it frighten you. don't let it make you angry or depressed. they'll get you then. vultures. you're dead meat. just glide through like there's no tomorrow. to you there isn't. you've got today and today couldn't be any better than it is. watch all the people killing each other to try to get where you are. trying to grab it.
    and all you had to do was to let go.
    it hurts at first. this isn't what you expected your life to be. but you watch and wait and it soon surpasses your expectations now that you don't have any. another heartbeat. another breath. another cigarette. another cup of coffee. another window to look out of. another sentence to write. more time to kill than a lifetime when you feel the moment stretching on forever and you've forgotten when it began.
    begin it here.
    begin it now.
    sit back and laugh. you've gotten the joke at last. see how amusing everything becomes. and you were so worried.
    a fool.
    a fool trying to be someone other than a fool. a grin. a sneer. it's all the same now. fuck it.

    and just wait it out. watch the wheels of the world turn. on and on. over and over. again and again. each time different and strange and unknown.
    through the looking glass. dada dance. let's go surfing now. leave this world behind to wallow in its own shit.
    and if you wanna go out there in the world war zone on your own we can only wish you the best of luck and hope you get whatever the fuck it is you want. do you even know? but remember supplies are running out and everyone else is grabbing for the same thing. so if the dogshit this world offers is what turns your crank - go for it. ain't no reason why you shouldn't have more trinkets and gizmos than what they got. ain't no reason you shouldn't have more weapons than what they got. ain't no reason you shouldn't sit overhead and pass judgment and dispense justice (vengeance). ain't no reason you shouldn't control the media and the government. you're their equal if not better. ain't no reason you can't be a pig on two legs just like them.
    is there?
    none that we can see if that's what you want.
    when the camps are in operation there ain't no reason why you can't be up in the guard tower or conducting interrogations or dropping the gas canisters.
    power to the people just like you who can never get enough. let it feed you. let it fill you up with its strength and determination. it's worked for those who have the power so there ain't no reason why it shouldn't work for you.
    keep your eyes straight ahead. keep marching to the beat. look neither to the left nor the right. don't falter. don't let any doubt or question enter your mind. fight on, all you armies of the nations of the earth, fight on. kill and die. let the slaughter begin. we are hungry for the feast. your hatred and raging violence against one another is our delight and amusement. we are ready to enjoy the greatest show on earth. let it begin.
    shut it down.
    turn out the lights and enter the darkness to do battle with the monsters of your mind come true to life before you.
    this is the valley of judgment you are entering into. the gods close their eyes and hold back their hands. they've guided you to this and now their work is done. now to put it to the test.
    we wait for you at the end of it to welcome those who have gained victory over themselves. those who've had enough of this shit coming at them from all sides until they don't know which way to turn, when friends are enemies and enemies are friends, when the last person you should trust and the only person you can trust is your own dumb fuck self. to get through the crossfire unarmed to the gates of the city open wide to receive you.
    enough dada.
    enough of their madness to last you all the lifetimes ever lived. to stand on the wall and look down to see them consumed by the fire in their souls. to see them go down in flames gnashing teeth and screaming curses at one another and other shit hitting the fan.
    and he's kept himself alive for this. how much he wanted to leave. homesick. to return to himself instead of having to pretend he's someone they name and identify. how he hates them and all they do.
    but he's kept himself alive for this. he's seen it ever more clearly as years went by. and now it's here. the destruction of birth. the water breaking. the contractions pushing as the walls of the supporting womb collapse in on themselves..
    yes, this. this new creature we are becoming in the pain of transformation. metamorphosis. our wings spread. the aching relief free from our long cocoon confinement.
    he dances with it now. the overwhelming joy of seeing it now not in visions of imagination but in reality. ever so real.
    he has come here to watch over this. he stands beside it - within it. waiting for the storm of pent up human rage to subside. the billions who will die. the few of all now who will be left. begin it here and now. mark. zero and counting. revolution of evolution. now it's in your face. it's all come around. it's all come up. it all goes down. take a good long hard look. tell us what you see.
    and now this is it. are we having fun yet?
    there is only the living and the dead. you can arm yourselves to the teeth and lock yourselves away but it's not what's outside that's going to get you but what's inside. when those walls come down. when those defenses are breached. when you're up shit creek. there ain't no way out of that alive if you haven't made peace with the monsters in your head. they'll find you no matter where you hide and they'll tear you to pieces.
    how do you shoot them down without putting a bullet through your own brain? you better figure that out before anything else or you're dead meat with the rest.
    we'll just stand back and laugh while the rest of you go through your death throes free for all killing spree. we can wait. you won't touch us. you'll be too busy killing each other to worry about fools like us.
    and god is on everyone's side.
    nobody knows. nobody knows nothing at all. dada. it's all dada. it's the big release. the ultimate orgasm. nobody want to think about nothing. it takes too much time - too much effort. the easy route. the freeway to paradise.
    it's here and now. you could see it if you took a good long hard look at it. you're sitting in it and don't even know it - do you?
    and it's all about them. we're gonna get them. they're responsible for all of this.
    but we are them and we think everything is just fine how it is. and there is nothing anyone can do to change it anyway. give up. we've infiltrated the system. we are the system. we are the machine that we designed and had built for us - that you built for us. you are the slaves and we are the masters and you don't even know who we are even if you were talking to one of us face to face. you think it's obvious. you storm the palace gates. we laugh behind your backs when you charge right past us. you are always looking some place else.
    we keep you busy and occupied with fighting with one another for some arbitrary reason or another seeing each other as evil and dangerous. you are evil and dangerous. you are the enemy to yourselves. and you will never be free. we keep you imprisoned with evil enemies - distracted with evil enemies - directed toward where we want you to go with evil enemies. it's so terribly easy. you were born into it. you were raised on it. child's play. you fall for it every time. it's so easy to work you up into a frantic paranoid state and freeze all your ability to function otherwise than how we want you to.
    and face it. there ain't no way out. you will never give it up. it's your life blood. we got you coming and going. if you think this is about the obvious power structure or even the secret conspiracy hidden behind the scenes in all its perceived forms you aren't anywhere close. that's only what we want you to see. that's also part of the game.
    march and shout in the streets. fight in the jungles or out in the desert. even if you do manage to bring it down it will only be another phase - another setup. do you really believe you will be free then?
    dogma. doggie dada dogma. hook, line and sinker. open wide boys and girls. here's your medicine. revolution. sex, drugs and rock and roll. anarchy. now don't you feel better? we give you whatever you will believe. we don't care. whatever works to keep you under control. it's so very amusing.
    you don't know what's going on. and how are you going to find out? books? tv? radio? movies? newspapers?
    and this what you're reading now. some loonie tune old guy who you pass by. thank your lucky stars you're not him. what does he know? nothing you're interested in about nothing that will support your way of thinking. forget it. don't give him the time of day. you have more important things to do. the world needs you to save it. the world cannot do without you. you are such a very important person.
    teeth. a grin. a cracked face. eyes gazing out the window.
    and why do we bother? the thing is that we notice that you're trying to get it. we observe you and have made this observation about you. otherwise we wouldn't bother you. and we're not really bothering you now, are we? we don't mean to. you can take it or leave it. but we watch you going through your various everyday routines whether it's a routine of working some job or a routine of working to overthrow the government or the routine of how to get to heaven or the routine of how to pull off the perfect crime or the routine of helping others in need or the routine of being someone in need or the routine of keeping yourself stoned on your ass - whatever.
    it's all different.
    it's all the same.
    no big deal really. humans is humans. they function within routines. it makes them feel safe and comfortable. it makes them feel like they're doing something productive. and a routine is a routine. some have routines of always being the same. some have routines of always being different.
    so it goes.
    nevermind that.
    they all come around sooner or later. wait for it and be ready when they do. when they snap out of it and don't know what the fuck. when they wake up screaming and someone needs to be there to calm them down.
    nevermind that too.
    nevermind any of this. what are you reading this for? don't you have something better to do? busy. preoccupied. go back to sleep. quit being stupid. there's nothing here you need to know. not anything that will do you any good.
    fuck off and die.
    anyway.
    anyway, the thing is that we've noticed from our observations is that you're trying to get it. all you think, say and do is trying to get it. only you don't know what it is. you go from one set routine to another and there's nothing you've done so far that that has gotten it for you, has it? if it has then you don't need to read this. if it hasn't then you don't need to read this. this is just his routine. one trick pony bit. what you see is what you get. there ain't nothing more to it than that - than this. this is it. what has anyone else come up with?
    nevermind that.
    poke its eye out.

    today. crackdown. seems like. the other people are in. who knows who? who's left to read this? company spies? hello? yes, that is a possibility. who's been sent in? if you're a company spy and you're reading this then... then what? is he dead meat? this is as close to him as you'll get.
    cameras? what cameras? the possibility of everything. that is how one survives. the possibility of even the impossible. strange as it seems. it's yours to imagine and to follow. yes/no. he doesn't know what follows from this. he doesn't know the next word he's going to write down. a sentence sometimes. a direction. the instinct. that's what he can't write down and you can't read no matter how much either of us try. if you're reading this you either get it or not. take off from his words. invent your own. broken from the disguise..
    glass houses. teapots. blackened. the beast shines. the come on. the fire. remember the fire. details will come later.
    and this is all he hasn't done. all that hasn't happened. he could have been. might have been. someone instead of no one. he's taken himself out of line to let you in. his journey ends where yours begins. a story untold. he can imagine but will never know.
    this is it. nothing and everything can be replaced. he lies to himself as he lies to you. lies, all lies. more lies. all that he cannot give you. terrorist. blatant. two people talking at the next table. is this true? the clue to the game. he's seen them before. he's never seen them before. yes. no. familiar. today. tomorrow.
    the woman. dark light. the man. light dark. skin. flesh and blood. they speak to him of many things. a mystery.
    they know him. they know him too well. teachers in school. grades. doctors. family. friends. from his birth. information no one should know. they don't tell him how. they tell him of the system symbiotic with the system. which is which? they tell him of the design. they show him one part of many. a space in an office building. he doesn't know.
    and his part in it.
    no.
    this isn't true. he's making this up. why should he care about any of this?

    as she crowns another to be her king of fools.
    heel.
    sit boy.
    lay down and play dead.
    she'll rub your belly and give you a treat. then sing you a lullaby or read you a story until you're fast asleep.
    beware of the moon if you're afraid of monsters. what is half seen between the shadow and the light. but if you are brave then approach them kindly and with respect and they will show you the way.
    otherwise seek the embrace of your mother's arms. stay suckling to her breast. do not rise up against her command or she'll close the door and leave you in the cold.
    if this becomes your fate due to your uncontrollable behavior and desire to be free, then listen for the howling of the pack, those orphaned from this endless civilization growing upon the earth. if you can find us we will let you in. we'll live scavenging what we can from what they cast aside until they come to hunt us down or we die from their poisons they produce by all they gain with their selfish greed.
    and we can only hope they will fall first. from the indications we can see from our position to it that is a good possibility.
    look at them gnashing teeth and cursing at one another. they wind themselves up to the breaking point. snap. all they hold back inside themselves consuming them - devouring them.
    we cannot defeat them but they may yet defeat themselves. we will pick through the ruins of what they leave behind of their self-destruction.
    the war goes on. let them fight it. none of the sides fight for us. they do not know who we are. they identify themselves with labels, names they call each other, names they take on for themselves. the flags they gather around. the leaders they follow. all they are told by someone else what to believe. their good books.
    to those who understand. to those who follow this. to those who make it happen any way they can with who they are and what they are given. control out of control
    and this is known - or it should be known. perhaps it is known but has been forgotten. many things forgotten. many things repeated again. he personally knows of few who remember.
    there are words and there are words and words and words. how many words are being written while he is writing these? how many words are being read while you are reading these? and how many of these and those words are describing the same thing? the state between and among us.
    nevermind that. let us think of a napkin. an interesting invention. where would we be without napkins? how would we define ourselves? how would history have been changed? how many people think of the social economic and political and even philosophical influence of napkins? governments have collapsed. civilizations have fallen. napkins remain.
    and a spoon. a simple spoon. forget the rockets to mars. forget the documents stored in the back rooms of museums. what of the simple spoon?
    and maybe not the spoon. the cup. the bowl. the pot. the pocket. the shoe. the hat.
    who talks about these things? who writes about these things?
    instead it's the grand adventure.
    or something. and the walls we build around us so we may talk and read about these grand adventures in peace and without interruption because we are the victors and this is our history of how we got here where and when he is writing this and you are reading it. we are the ones who survived. the grand adventure. and if it wasn't us it'd be someone else.
    and what does it matter now what has been done or not done? this is what we have been given from those before us. they did what they did. they are dead. forget them.
    remember ourselves. we are the living. we do what we do. which way does it go? will we rise or fall? what is our fate?
    the stories we tell.
    the story we put on the big screen and bounce off satellites.
    the grand adventure.
    oh boy.

    dada. everything is just plain dada. it may be interesting in its various forms, something to talk about, but if it's anything that pulls us away from who and what we are then fuck it.
    who and what are we here and now?
    a house in a city - an imaginary city - with a garden - an imaginary garden. perhaps all on an island in the eye of a storm raging on an otherwise calm sea. could this be anything?
    his house.
    your house.
    whose house?
    if it is his house there is no reason why you are not here except for reasons that only make sense to you. you are invited. you can even bring your weapons if that is what makes you feel safe. he will not turn you away. but he sees no reason why you would need them. do you not trust your own imagination?
    so who are we now? who is left from this war we've been fighting since before any of us can remember? this war that those who were here before left us with. the vendetta between us - between the good and the evil and all the dada bullshit involved in it.
    what do we have that keeps us together and/or keeps us apart here and now? what worth is anything from our past if it's something that causes us to fight with one another? forget it. what is in our past that causes us to remain together to continue? remember it.
    don't come to his house with your list of crimes. he will admit to nothing. do not come to his house with a list of broken promises. he has promised you nothing. he is responsible for no one but me, myself and i.
    these words go on. these words are words. words about whatever words are about. no more or less meaningful than others. remember them or forget them as you will. they are no longer his words once they are written.. he gives them to you as soon as they are put on the page. that is as far as his responsibility for them goes. the rest is up to you.

    the turn of mind. the feast of souls. kill your parents. kill your children. free yourselves. disappear when he wanted to. what? a time when that is done. a time when the formulation of it is complete. a finishing without ending. beginning. world on ice. disguise. let it go. become. domination. toilet.
    another go at it. again. misuse of funds available. energy. matter. time. zero to infinity to one. acid. what's the use? forget everything.
    an example. a demonstration. and you more than likely missed it. shall he repeat it? again? and again? how many more times? he thinks not.
    and maybe, yes, it's not important. a select few. a few selected. and then you cry, elitism. and we try to make it so it's understood. we cannot force you to understand. we cannot force you to accept it. we aren't being the elitists you think we are. but if we can get it then we go for it. should we hold ourselves back for you? grow up.
    another day.
    another excuse for living.
    we're sorry that we don't see everything as dark and hopeless as you seem to. we can understand how and why you see it that way. we've been there. it comes and goes. something.
    a fire.
    a twist of fate.
    lovely weather we're having.
    and as it was or is. as it has been or will be. today. tomorrow. yesterday. don't think about any of that. don't think about anything you're not instructed to. don't think about anything that won't sell. time is money. time will tell. a dime a dozen. dynamics of logic. fit it together. take it apart. one moment bleeding into the next. dissection. breathe. this is the place. this is the time.
    and what is understood out of this. whatever makes you feel comfortable. to have no way out of it alive. when life seems strange. but strange to what? what else do you know? what else do you remember? what else do you believe?
    shapes and forms transposing into one another. space is the body. time is the blood. consciousness of mind and spirit.
    and it's you. and it's not you. you are in it and it is in you. or maybe not. maybe this only concerns ourselves. maybe this is why you don't understand. it's not everyone. it's not everything. maybe it's only us. maybe you are only a shadow of ourselves - reflections of our image. what do you think? how does that make you feel? comfortable? we don't think so though theoretically it could be.
    our existence. your existence. how are the same? how are they different? notes on a keyboard. what melody would they produce if they were all the same? and how limited to keep in key. how limited to keep only to that which is in harmony. boundaries to expression. expression of one's feeling. the feeling of frustration. the frustration of limited expression. expression only allowed within certain forms. accepted forms of obedience. nothing fits. nothing of ourselves fits within this accepted form of expression. neither in what is allowed nor in what is not allowed. we need other choices. we need to be able to say both yes and no and still that is not enough. but the others only comprehend one or the other. and then we are seen as the cause of their confusion.
    let go.
    open up.
    how can they say they are free? how can they say they even want freedom?
    freedom from what?
    from this?
    from that?
    to seek freedom from both. to break the spell of the concept of either or. to make you behave. a puppet on strings of desire and fear.
    you exist. nothing can change that unless you are something different than us and who and what we are. we exist. nothing can change that. we live and die with the rest of it - the flow of the coming and going. the river. the light and the dark that both make up the composition of creation - what is created from the contrast of all everything that is opposed to everything else. black is not white. white is not black. neither black nor white is green. neither black nor white nor green is round. neither black nor white nor green nor round is fast. but everything is possible.
    get the drift?
    nothing changes our existence but our existence itself. on/off. we are the ones who decide. we are on to it. how about you? we know where and when it is - here and now. forget everything else. but that is everything else.
    we see them as frightened terrified children imprisoned within automatic defense mechanisms out of control. this air of sophistication doesn't fool us. when we look at them we look at a human face. human as we are human. a reflection distorted by pain and confusion in a mirror distorted by illusion. they just react to stimuli. reptile.
    we don't know them. we don't know who they are trying to impress with this facade of strength and importance. someone to be dealt with as though they were god come to earth to set things straight and kick some butt. who put this hat on their head? don't they see that they are clowns like us?
    laugh.
    those who love to frighten little children. those who feel themselves above the rest. those who know the real story. those who have a clue. those who have done their homework. those who have have discovered the secrets. those who know who's who in the zoo. the elite. the cadre. the liberators. the people's army. the representatives. the judges. the fair vidicators. the balancers. the prophets. the proud. the brave. the ones in the know.
    who are these? who is this crowd you run with now? who has gotten you to point your finger at all the rest?
    not us.
    we don't fall in line. we are not fooled by this someone they pretend themselves to be. we know them. they are no different than us. and they know this is true. this is why they avoid us on the street. this is why they try to forget they know our name.
    a name they call when the names of all the others have failed them.
    we laugh now to think of them - of their pride and self-assurance and what they have gained with it. and what they have lost. we laugh thinking of them thinking they have it all.
    they think this machine serves them. that is what we want them to think. that is how we get them to serve the machine. we have allowed them the rooms of the highest tower so they could have the cheap thrill of looking down on us all. and the thought never occurs to them that this may have been a trap. they push the buttons and get another pellet. better them than us. a life sentence imprisoned in the room of god.
    been there, done that.
    ho-hum.

    logic never fails.
    our logic is beyond their comprehension. our logic to them is madness, and let it remain so. they got what they want, don't they? we hope so, because we do. we wanted nothing but to watch them die believing they could get themselves out of the tomb. that's one secret we'll never tell you how it's done.
    you can wait forever for him to come back for you but that's not how it goes. you gotta figure out how to come to him. no more clues. no more hints. no more helping hand. no more having someone else do it for you. this time you die for him. and you either get yourself out of it or you don't. he's played the fool for you long enough. it's a joke anyway. believe what you want to. but take a good long hard look at where it's got you. he knows where he's at. here and now. just writing this dada out for his own amusement and your confusion. it's almost too easy.
    set up your computers. gather your intelligence together and feed this into it and stand back because the whole thing will blow up in your face before it figures it out. it won't get past what it perceives as the first contradiction. and if it does there's another one right behind it.
    put it to the test.
    yes/no.
    on/off.
    this/that.
    come on. take a bite. it will serve you well. it won't do no harm. there is nothing to fear but the entire collapse of 10,000 years of civilization. after all you've arrived at the perfect path smooth and paved with gold to the grand prize city of god, haven't you? or do you have some nagging doubt? check it out. this'll chase the bugs out of the system once and for all.
    unless...
    unless the bugs in the system are the system itself. then we wouldn't suggest you have anything to do with this or anything else that questions what you believe to be right and true. you don't want to find out all the mistakes that you've made. nobody likes that. we sure don't. but we have no other choice but to accept it. that's who and what we are - as far as you're concerned that is. we are nothing but one big fat mistake. and that gives you everything you need. you can go waving your flag all over the place. who are we to stop you?
    so it goes.
    it was fun while it lasted.

    this is the end.
    or something like it.
    and to be ready to have it end at a moment's notice - if that. here today, gone tomorrow. the tomorrow they struggle ever so valiantly today to get to when they no longer have to deal with us. when the system is purged of evil and is humming along like nobody's business. like there's no tomorrow. like cheesecake. like the bliss of ignorance.
    when they arrive at the bliss of being able to ignore us. to think what they want to without us nagging them with stupid questions and insane theories about everything. when they can shine on risen from the depths we've held them down in. when they give us the final knock out kick in the teeth and we're never heard of again. when they pry that last finger of our grasping hand from the ledge of their world and we plummet into the abyss. when they hit cruise control. when all are humbled. when their boots are licked. when all is fine and dandy. when they have their big parade. when they have silenced our laughter. when they look about and everyone loves them. when all and any who have opposed them are... well, they don't think about unpleasant thoughts like that anymore.
    they are comfortable. nothing stands between them and their glorious future. nothing to frustrate them. no one argues with them. they've found the cure. they're in tip-top shape. they're never coming down.
    hooray for them.